


My Random DA:I Stuff (shrug)

by Dilydallying_around



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cullen POV, MGiT inspired, Panic Attack, Rotating POV, Solas POV, Vague non-con elements (not graphic)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-07-28 01:06:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 29,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16231016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dilydallying_around/pseuds/Dilydallying_around
Summary: First time posting anything anywhere. I’ve read so many DA fanfics (especially MGiT) on here, my poor brain finally exploded and I needed somewhere to put the random ideas. Some ideas I came across and some are my own, then twisted to messily fit the story. Think of this as a journal or inner monologue. Again, this is mostly for myself to put ideas down but if someone enjoys it in the process, great.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First time posting anything anywhere. I’ve read so many DA fanfics (especially MGiT) on here, my poor brain finally exploded and I needed somewhere to put the random ideas. Some ideas I came across and some are my own, then twisted to messily fit the story. Think of this as a journal or inner monologue. Again, this is mostly for myself to put ideas down but if someone enjoys it in the process, great.

Solas’s PoV - just before the breach, in a cave near the top of one of the mountains overlooking Haven

 

I had been following the blighted magister that is carrying my orb for the past several weeks. Following the trail of magic left by the orb is a simple thing, getting the power unlocked and retrieving the precious artifact has proven to be another task altogether. The magister had apparently decided on his target, the trail of the orb’s magic, _my_ magic, had come to a stop and remained still for several days. I had heard news of a supposed Conclave at this location, during my trek across the continent.

I have to admit that my curiosity was piqued, and I was getting anxious to see what exactly he had planned.There was a slight guilt hanging in the back of my mind, because I knew a few of these people were going to be dead soon. It was a small price to pay though, and required, if the orb’s power was ever going to be fully unlocked. I needed to just be patient a little longer. The foolhardiness of the blighted creature was going to be his own downfall, and all that would be left is for me to retrieve my newly unlocked orb from the magister’s remains. The only thing I could do for now though was wait for events to unfold.

It was well after dark one night, I was sitting outside the mouth of my cave reading a book and occasionally gazing down on the small town of Haven. Usually looking down, I could watch the people scurrying along, looking like ants from up here. There’s no one out this late though, everyone had long since turned in for the night.

All of a sudden, a burst of very familiar green light lit up the temple in the distance, on the mountaintop on the opposite side of Haven from me. The light was almost an outline of the structure for several seconds before it formed into a sharp focused beam that shot straight up into the sky. I watched as the clouds surrounding the beam of light started swirling around it, forming into an illusion of a whirlpool. After a few more seconds the light at the temple, around the base of the beam brightened even further, to the point that I had to shield my eyes for a moment, it expanded quickly until it suddenly burst in a huge explosion. It traveled like a shockwave along the beam into the sky, that quickly caused a second explosion, as if it were rending the heavens apart and violent quakes rippled outwards along the ground.

I stood up slowly and staggered a few feet forward, never taking my gaze from the glowing, green wound in the sky. I stood there staring in a mixture of shock and horror. There was only one thought running repeatedly through my mind.

_What have I done?_

 


	2. Chapter 2

Cullen’s PoV - two nights after breach, sitting at his desk late in the night with his head in his hands

 

_Why in the name of the Maker do I feel the need to go up there? Leliana’s scouts and my soldiers, along with Cass, have already been through the place several times, and thoroughly. All of the bodies we could move have been carted down outside the walls, just around the side of the lake a bit to be burned on a pyre in the next couple days. They have dug through the place looking for anything, **any** clue to figure out what happened. There’s been nothing to find though, rubble, debris, dust, and of course the damned snow._

_Whose damned idea was it to hold this Conclave so far into the mountains anyways? Oh right, the Divine’s.._.. I answer myself as I let out a groan of exasperation.

 _Maybe my head is just trying to get me to take a break. I’ve been sitting here for hours on end doing this paperwork. It might do me good to just get up and walk around a few minutes.._. I shove my chair backwards as I stands up and walk out of my office, through the chantry to Haven’s main (and only) gate.

I’m stopped momentarily by Rylen at the gate. He hands over a shield from the nearby weapon rack and a torch from the wall beside him. As I turn away and start toward the dock, I also see him gesture to one of the guards on top of the wall to come take his place by the gate. I sigh inwardly as I hear the crunch of his boots in the snow, following behind me. We have been good friends for too long, so I know turning around and telling him to go back and let me wander around the woods in the middle of the night by myself would be a waste of breath and energy.

I had meant to just take a few mins to stretch my legs and get some fresh air to clear my head a little, either on the dock in front of the main gate or follow the path around the lake for a few minutes and come right back.

_Why do I keep feeling this unexplainable force almost dragging me up this hill toward the temple of death and disaster?_

We reach the top of the small snow-covered mountain. Rylen never says a word surprisingly- asking me why the bloody hell we are marching up here in the middle of night by ourselves.

We walk into the remains of the temple, if you can even call it ‘remains’ at this point. I meander aimlessly between all the small snow piles, randomly kick snow off some of them to see the broken pieces and shards of the previously beautiful building haphazardly strewn about. Many of the pieces are charred as black as the night sky, evidence of the explosion that had taken all our hopes of a peaceful resolution to the war and blown them to the Void, much the same as it had the temple itself.

 _What the bloody hell am I doing up here?_ I ask myself for the dozenth time.

Yet I can not seem to get my body to leave. Rylen probably thinks I’m half out of my mind at this point, which I probably am, but he still has not said a word or tried to get me to leave. One of the many reasons I made the man my second in command.

We finish a rough circuit of the interior, of course seeing nothing of interest, (was I expecting otherwise?) and start to make our way around the outside. We make it about halfway around the “temple”, much the same as we had the inside. Randomly picking some of the piles of snow and rubble to dig in or uncover, hoping against hope just to see anything of interest. We reach a small group of trees that had been close to what previously was the rear left corner of the building when it was standing and you stood facing it.

As we turn the corner to keep following along the rubble, there is suddenly a huge crack of thunder off to our left, into the woods. I jerk my head around toward the noise, almost immediately after the sound we see an explosion of green light. The color is identical to the sickening green of the current tear across the sky. The ground beneath our feet lets out a few violent shakes almost knocking us off our feet, followed by another deafening crash of thunder. Although this one is slightly different. It has much more of a continuous echo of reverberations that feel like it was sent back from every mountaintop, through the woods, and through the ground then up into our bodies, almost like we were feeling it rather than hearing it, but there was this thin edge of shrillness to it. It’s like someone screamed so violently that it turned into the thunderous shaking before it reached us. It is eerie, like the few mage harrowings I attended that ended in failure. I can think of no other comparison that comes even remotely close.

We exchange wide-eyed glances for a moment before we are both jogging cautiously through the snow and into the woods toward the new light source.

It is difficult to judge the distance we cover before we could finally see the green light through the trees. Snow reflecting light off the trees and ground all around us does nothing to help. We finally close in on the source and stop a short distance away and hide behind trees to observe.

The light as it turns out, is identical to the large one swirling in the sky. This is smaller though, tiny in comparison. Small, green, almost perfectly round orb slowly rotates about shoulder height off the ground. It is beautiful in an almost surreal way. Beneath it however, is another story all together. Two wisp wraiths are floating up and down slightly while they slowly chase each other in circles, almost like two demonic children playing a game of tag. The thing that gives me pause is the tall, gangly terror demon hobbling around, occasionally it stops to throw its head back and lets loose this bone chilling cackle.

This is definitely something we need to take care of, but I am of a mind to come back tomorrow with several soldiers in attendance rather than just the two of us. I look over to Rylen and jerk my head to point back in the direction we came from, but he shakes his head at me and nods at the demons again. I frown and shake my head no very firmly at him. He mouthes the word “Look,” at me while jerking his chin to point towards the demons again. I scowl at him, but look back at them one more time. I do not see a damn thing that may have caught his interest, so I slowly shift out from behind my tree and lean over toward his to try to see from his angle. What I see makes my stomach turn.

It looks like a partial body laying there in the snow under the light orb. I wince, understanding now why he wants to kill them now. Leave it to Rylen’s sense of duty and honor to want to deal with this situation now; even trying to find a person’s identity from partial remains to notify their family. He is everything a stellar soldier is expected to be and more.

I ever so slowly and quietly as I can make the last few steps to come up beside him, standing behind the same tree. Rylen is more Templar than me these days, since he still takes the lyrium, so he’s better suited than myself to kill the wisps since they are heavily magic based. Which leaves me with the terror demon. I stab the base of the torch into the snow, a good arm’s length away from the tree, the last thing we need right now is all the trees around us bursting into flame.

I pull my sword from its scabbard, make sure my shield is tight, and turn to raise a brow at Rylen. With his nod of affirmation, I charge around the tree letting out a loud roar and bang my sword against my shield just to make sure I have all the attention. The terror lets loose one more loud cackle as the ground below it goes opaque and it dives down into the newly created hole. In the middle of its dive I roll into a quick forward somersault to dodge its leap out of its new place, where I previously was, quickly regain my feet and spin a 180 degree turn, and aim my sword at my chest height, I luckily manage to take the thing’s head off in one clean slash, as it resurfaces, and it sprays an almost straight line of black demon goop across thesnow causing it to steam and sizzle.

As I get the wisps’ attention initially, it gives Rylen the couple seconds he needs to sneak around the tree on the opposite side and get in range to quickly throw down a silence that hits both of the wisps at once and that keeps them from casting just long for him to run the last bit of distance and dispatch both of them rather quickly. We look at each other and shrug, guess I wasn’t the only one who felt like that was too easy.

Together, we cautiously walk the last couple meters toward the floating orb, toward the remains of the body in the snow directly below the light. It feels stranger and stranger as we get closer, that pull I’ve been feeling all night, it has led me here, to find this poor sod’s body in the middle of nowhere, to return them to Haven so they can at least be put to rest on the pyre with the rest. Or at least that’s what I think for a split second. There is an arm and shoulder showing, and part of a face just peeking up through the snow. As we cross the last bit of distance I try to take in as many details as I can, try to make sense of it. There is no blood on or around them, none anywhere. The demons had completely ignored the body, so from a distance, one could easily assume it had been a previous victim of the demons. Finally, we come to a stop beside the arm. I look around in the snow. There are no other tracks of any kind except our own, no sign of them getting here, being dragged here, or a show of a struggle, nothing.

We dig the body out as quickly but as carefully as possible. I find from the face it was a girl, and she had been beautiful, we also discover, for some unfathomable reason, she is completely nude. Thankfully she’s also in one piece without a single mark on her. Lacking any blanket or extra clothing, I quickly strip off my cloak and wrap it around her before I pick her up and turn to walk back toward the temple.

I don’t know why I bother, some half-assed attempt to protect her modesty or maybe just out of respect for the dead? Speaking of the dead- I wander why her body isn’t completely stiff at this point. She is a bit rigid, no obvious signs of life, and it looked like she had been there for a while, and considering how cold the body is and the lack of wounds and the shade of blue-tinted skin from head to toe, I have no doubt the cause of death was most likely the cold.

We make it out of the woods and back on the path of the former temple, to make our way back to Haven. We have gone maybe ten steps down the hill when the large crack across the sky, that has been plaguing us for the past two days, decides to let loose another series of thunderclaps so loud you could feel it shake the ground.

It is no different from ones before, except this time, I am carrying a strange little elf and when the thunder starts, her back bows so sharply it looks like she may break, her face crinkles up like she is in intense pain, and this last straw is too much, especially for me. Her body is shooting off small bolts of lightning, which in itself is enough to leave me standing still and staring down at her in shock, until one hits my wrist and zaps me unexpectedly. I don’t mean to, I really don’t, but my knee jerk reaction has me throwing her body away from me as quickly as I can, and hard.

Of course, Rylen lets out sharp gasp, and snaps at me, “Commander! At least pr’tend t’ have a lil’ bloody r’spect fer th’ lass!”

I pull out my sword again and am pointing it down at her with both hands noticeably shaking, and I’m breaking out into a cold sweat. I’ve been trying hard to get over my hatred and fear of mages for awhile now. However, this incident may have just shown how much progress I have decidedly not made.

She hits the ground hard, namely the back of her head, and rolls down a few more stairs before coming to a stop. My cloak mostly comes off of her in all the movement, it is barely covering her rear since she rolled onto her stomach.

Rylen shoots past me, roughly shoulders me out of the way, and practically leaps down the stairs to retrieve her. He carefully rolls her onto her back and rewraps her in the cloak, and wipes the snow, dirt, and blood off her face as best he can. Then he picks her up in his arms and starts jogging down the hill.

Just before he is out of sight, he yells back over his shoulder angrily, “She’s actual’y ‘live, no bloody thanks t’ ye!”

My sword falls out of my hands and clangs on the ground. I stand there stupefied and try to process his words, how can they possibly be true, what happened in the past hour, what is wrong with me, and why I reacted the way I did. I have no idea how long I stand there, but the sun is well into the sky when I finally come back to myself.


	3. Chapter 3

Rylen’s PoV - 2nd night/3rd morning after the breach, while he’s running back down the hill to Haven

 

I have known Cullen for a long time. I know of his past treatment of mages, the things he did in Kirkwall, the hatred of mages and magic he is working hard to overcome, but seeing him do that just now, even if it was unintentional, sent me into a depth of rage I didn’t know I possessed. I would’ve punched the bastard if he wasn’t my commanding officer.

I look down at the poor lass. We don’t know the first thing about her, and I’m getting the feeling she’s already been through enough of an ordeal without us throwing more in the fire.

There is something about her that feels off. Physically, she looks mostly normal, a bit exotic perhaps, but normal enough. The blue tones in her skin I thought were originally just from being outside in the snow too long, but I am starting to doubt that theory. She has the markings of the Dalish swirling across her face, but in a silvery shade I’ve never seen. The ears are the one oddity I can’t figure out. She is obviously an elf, those are definitely elven ears, but shaped unlike any I’ve ever seen. They are taller and come to points like others, but along the outer edge they start to go opaque, and they have strange ridges, like fins on a fish. She has long white hair with silver mixed in and along the bottom, it looks like faint streaks of green. There’s also a bunch of odd colorful things mixed in among the strands of hair. _Maybe they’re supposed to be decorations of a sort?_ She is very small, maybe it’s malnourishment like most of the elves in this world, or maybe she’s not fully grown yet. It’s always difficult to judge elven ages accurately, but this lass looks like she’s just barely out of childhood, maybe mid-late teens.

Finally, I make it back into Haven. The sun is coming up and the town is waking, so I should be able to take her up to the Chantry and see what the Lady Cassandra thinks we should do with her for the time being.

I shoulder my way through the heavy wooden door of the Chantry and quickly make my way through the large chamber, internally cringing at the stomping echoes of my boots against stone potentially disturbing any worshipers. I reach the door of the advisors’ meeting room and give a light knock. There’s a moment of shuffling feet and the door opens, revealing the Seeker.

I give a deep bow, since I’m obviously incapable of giving her a salute, in greeting, “Good morn to ye, Lady Cassandra. Th’ Commander an’ m’self came ‘cross this lil’ lass not far from th’ temple.”

The Lady Seeker’s eyebrows shoot up and she opens the door all the way to let me pass, and closes it immediately behind me.

I stand just inside the room, looking around for somewhere to place my fragile cargo. Not seeing any place, I shuffle my feet a bit and wonder what I’m to do with her. The Seeker solves the dilemma, shoving aside paperwork and part of the huge map off the part of the War Table closest to us. This gives me enough space to lay the lass out flat on the table for the Seeker to get a good look at her. 

I stand at attention next to the door to give her space and wait for the inevitable questions to follow.

Lady Cassandra appears to be fascinated by the lil’ lass, as she takes her time inspecting her quite thoroughly. She looks over the lighter scrapes and bruises the lass acquired from her tumble down the steps. However, she spots something I apparently missed. There is a decent sized gash that has left a startling amount of blood streaks and clotting in the hair on the back of the lass’s head. Cassandra turns to me sharply, with an eyebrow raised and asks, “What in the Maker’s name happened?”

I give a brief recount of the events the Commander and I had leading up to our finding of the lass. I don’t even attempt to keep scowl off my face or my hands from balling into fists as I get to the part of the Commander throwing her to the ground. That feeling of rage boils up inside me again at the memory.

The Seeker lets out a long sigh and just shakes her head in disappointment.

Suddenly, the lass goes into that lightning fit again. Cassandra jumps back toward me in surprise, but her eyes never leave the spectacle. The lass’s back arches off the table at an impossible angle, her face creases up like she’s in awful pain and her mouth falls open like she wants to scream, but no sound comes. This time it is easy to see most of the sparks are concentrated around her left palm, and it’s that same sickly green as the sky outside. As quickly as her fit started, it’s over just as fast. Her frail body falls back on to the table with a thump.

The Lady Seeker looks over at me with wide eyes for a moment, before she’s walking forward to stand beside the table again. She grabs the lass’s left hand to take a closer look. She holds it up, palm towards me to show a large green gash across the entirety of it, and it’s slightly glowing or pulsing. She drops the hand and turns to stride around the table to the other side of the room. She snatches up what looks to be some white cloth, and a blanket from one of the shelves near the floor, before resuming her original place by the table.

She takes the white piece and rips it down the middle, grabbing the glowing hand again, she winds it around the hand several times before tying it off. Then she takes the other strip and winds it around the lass’s head a few times, covering the wound and for some reason the ears. Maybe so people don’t notice right away and start asking questions.

What she says next almost has me questioning her. “Take her to the dungeon, put her in solitary so the others can’t bother her before she wakes. Also give her this to cover for now, so Commander Cullen can have his cloak returned.”

This is not what I thought or hoped would happen, not at all. However, it is not my place to question a Seeker. I give her a salute, scoop the lass up one more time, after leaving the advisors’ room, turn immediately right and take the stairs down into the dungeon. I walk straight past the main cells in the first chamber, ignoring the jeers and other nonsense from the prisoners, and continue straight into the next room. There is a door separating this room from the other, so I yank it shut with my foot as I cross into the smaller room.

This is a single room. There is one cell, room for a table and chair for a single guard a comfortable distance from the bars, and a single torch to light the room. This seems extreme, I don’t understand the reason for throwing her into solitary confinement, and she has committed no crime against us.

I open the door of the cell and walk in to place her carefully on the pile of straw that passes for a sleeping pallet. I unwrap the cloak from her, and cover her the best I can with the scratchy wool blanket the Seeker provided. I retrieve the cloak from the floor. I’m definitely making sure the Commander gets it back, thrown right into his damn face. I close and lock the cell behind me and make my way back up the stairs, through the Chantry, and outside. As I make my way to return to my post at the main gate, I sadly shake my head as I run through possible scenarios of what they plan to do to her. _She doesn’t d’serve any o’ t’is._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one may feel slightly chaotic. It skips back a little in time, then has several small jumps forward, to catch Solas’s PoV up to the others.

Solas’s PoV - after the Conclave explosion

 

1 night after breach

Guilt has accumulated over the past day since the disaster happened. It feels like the weight of the world is literally residing on my shoulders. In a way I suppose it is, I am the only one walking this world who knows what happened, what exactly is involved, and with any chance of repairing it. The hundreds of innocent deaths that I unwittingly contributed to are weighing heavily on my conscience; their souls may as well be screeching at me through the Veil demanding vengeance.

My plans have backfired so completely that I’m at a loss of how to proceed. I could resume my following of the orb’s magic trail, the magister has since moved on, but I feel that route is pointless. Once I caught up to him, how would I go about retrieving it from his power-hungry grasp, now that he’s unlocked its true power? As I am, I don’t stand a chance.

These humans remaining in Haven, were far enough away to be safe from the explosion of the temple, may be worth approaching. They currently mill about as if they want to do _something_ to repair the torn sky, though they are clueless and have no idea how to go about it, but their desire to try makes them worthy of consideration. My other reason for wanting to approach them is I am too far away to try studying the phenomenon. I am unable to cast on it from this distance, any chance I could have to study or repair it would require me to get much closer, and the best way to do that is walk into Haven and offer my services.

I can still slip into the Fade normally as I sleep, but where there used to be spirits and playful wisps gallivanting about, now there is nothing. I have tried calling out in my mind to Wisdom, my dearest spirit friend would surely be able to tell me something, but I get nothing in response except oppressive silence. It is becoming increasingly distressing. Wisdom has never ignored my calls before, I sincerely hope no ill has befallen it.

The one constant remaining in the Fade is the gaping tear across the sky. From this distance, it appears there are many demons crowding against it, just waiting to spew forth into the waking world the moment the barrier separating the two realities thins enough. This has very little impact on myself, but if it were to happen fear would run rampant among the humans and chaos would inevitably ensue.

*****

 

2 nights after breach, chooses to go

It has now been almost two full days since the explosion. Earlier today at the sun’s highest point in the sky, I was still no closer to a plan or decision on how to proceed. Be it fate or something else entirely, more minor explosions began and rumbles of shockwaves beneath my feet, quickly set my mind in motion. In a sort of delayed chain reaction, smaller tears in the fabric of the Veil were beginning to appear. The first and, so far, the largest that I could see from my vantage point being right in the middle of the former temple. Not long after the one in the temple more of them, albeit much smaller ones, gradually started popping up further and further from the first. These tiny tears, in comparison, were not dangerous directly, but what I had feared about the demons eventually being able to force themselves through if the Veil thinned any further, that is now happening around these new ones.

It was the appearance of these numerous smaller tears accompanied by the demons that forced my hand into making my decision. I gathered my few possessions within the cave placing them hastily into my pack and grabbed my staff, flicked my hand towards the fire pit instantly putting it out, and I was off down the mountain making my way to Haven.

*****

 

just arrived in Haven

Most humans of this age are very intolerant of many things, basically everything that is not themselves. I prepared myself for the condescending looks, attitudes, and poor treatment I was guaranteed to receive, due to my pointed ears and the fact that I carry a staff. Being an elven mage in this time period is the epitome of everything they hate and look down upon. It is not an enviable position. However, as much as they may despise my kind, I highly doubt they will decline my offer of help in this instance, they are likely desperate for any assistance, now that demons are involved.

I arrive at the gate of Haven mid way through the night. It is well lit by the many torches around, from the gate itself down to the dock at the frozen lake in front of the town, all the way along the right side toward what looks to be a blacksmith’s forge, and behind to my left are rows of canvas tents which I assume belong to the soldiers. There are several guards posted along the top of the wooden wall that goes around the town, but only one is down on the ground directly at the gate. He is large for a human and the tattoos scrawled across his face only add to his stern appearance, I doubt he gets antagonized very often. 

Surprisingly, the man doesn’t give any outward sign of derision as I walk up to him. He goes a step further, adding to the slight shock, and gives me a slight bow. In a very thick accent, he cordially asks my name and purpose for coming.

“My name is Solas,” I tell him. “I am just another apostate mage since the fall of the Circles. I was originally just traveling through the area, but I headed this direction to investigate the large explosion that occurred the other night. I am specialized in magic of the Fade, so it drew my interest in hopes of studying it up close.”

Word for word the whole introduction is completely true, lies of omission are the easiest to perform. People don’t usually think to ask for information they don’t know is there.

There’s a flash of something akin to hope that crosses his face before he nods his head in understanding.

He replies, “Yer welcome to stay th’ r’mainder o’ the night ‘ere” as he gestures to an empty single person tent next to a large bonfire back behind himself into the town. “In th’ morn, go to th’ Chantry t’see th’ Lady Seek’r Cassandra. If’n she gives ye trouble, tell ‘er Rylen sent ye.”

I give him a nod of thanks and head inside the tent he was kind enough to offer. I am not really tired and I am not anxious to return to the continued silence in the Fade. However, logic eventually wins out, come tomorrow they will likely be putting me to work, and I have no idea how much rest I’ll be getting in the near future. Keeping that thought in the forefront of my mind, I force myself into the land of dreams and return to the Fade.

*****

 

Couple hours after arriving

It has been continued silence in the Fade just as I predicted. However, observing the small tears that have been forming in the Veil, on the Fade side they are quite beautiful as they form and take shape. They are almost like mini light shows from back in my days of ancient Arlathan. There is a slight build up of pressure in the Veil causing a light that suddenly brightens and then bursts in a shower of particles, the remaining part slowly rotates and almost appears to form into a flower-like shape.

It is while I am watching one of these further off in the distance, it forms its light source from the pressure on the Veil, and as it bursts, it lets out a wave of blue light chasing on the heels of the green, but where the green light stops and starts to do spin and forms into the flower shapes, the blue continues outward in all directions, it approaches me quickly, washes over me instantly as it passes by and continues on until it is out of sight. I startle awake and sit in my bedroll breathing heavily, it’s been thousands of years since I have been thrown off by something that happened in my dreams. I am unsure if I should be nervous or happy that something can still surprise me there. I spend most of the night pondering what it could mean, there is little rest for me this night.


	5. Chapter 5

Solas’s PoV - 3rd morning/day after breach, in Haven

 

I may not get much sleep, but I wait until the sun has fully risen before I leave the tent with my possessions and head toward the large Chantry at the top of the hill, with my staff in hand. The doors to the building are quite large, and made of heavy wood, it would not be a far stretch to say these are sturdier than the main gate into the town. I keep this humorous thought to myself as I walk inside, glancing around the large open chamber here, I see this is where the worship occurs, so I pass through as quickly and silently as I possible. I see a pair of doors at the end of the room, so I set that as my target and hope someone in there will be able to help me.

I knock quietly once I reach the doors, the muted conversation occurring within comes to an abrupt halt and a pair of booted feet comes stomping to open the door. Before the door is even fully open, an angry human woman sticks her head around the edge of the door. She has black hair, brown eyes, and a large scar along her cheek, she snaps at me angrily in a thick Nevarran accent, “What? What is it this time?”

I look at her for a moment with a raised brow, wondering why the abrupt rudeness, but I answer her, “I am looking for the Seeker Cassandra, a soldier by the name of Rylen directed me this way.”

The anger on her face disappears instantly and she opens the door more to allow me entrance. I walk in cautiously, taking a quick once over to make sure there are no surprises. There is one other human in the room but she is way off in the opposite corner of the room from myself. Although her face is mostly covered in the shadows of a purple cowl, I can see she gives a polite nod of acknowledgement and makes no other move. The dark-haired female behind me closes the door and walks up to stand next to a very large table in the middle of the room, leans lightly against it with her hip, crosses her arms and says, “Well, you’ve found her,” then looks at me expectantly.

Not exactly a welcoming committee by any means, but definitely better than the angry “What?” she first greeted me with. I give her a briefer response than I had given to the soldier.

“I am Solas. I am a mage specialized in dreams and Fade magic. I thought I might get a chance to study the sky here and hopefully help resolve the problem.”

Her eyebrows shoot up sky-high for a moment, then she briefly looks over her shoulder at the cowled woman who gives a shrug in response. She turns back to me with a very serious expression, “I hope you are who you say you are. We have problems piling up faster than we can solve them. The Breach in the sky is just the biggest one. We’re getting reports of demons popping up everywhere. There have already been two attempts made on the survivor’s life. Everyone believes she is the cause of all this and they are demanding justice. If she truly is linked to this disaster we need to know how and what exactly she effects.”

“Survivor? Someone survived the explosion of the Conclave?” I ask her, mostly to confirm I heard correctly.  _How could anyone survive that?_ Already my head is full of questions about this person.

“That’s what they are saying. I am hoping you will be able to tell me for sure,” she tells me as she returns to the door opening it and gestures for me to follow. “We know nothing about her. She was found late last night under one of those smaller rifts near the temple, mostly buried in the snow and no clothes. She seemed mostly frozen, but somehow still alive when Rylen brought her in.”

She leads me down a long flight of stairs, past a basement level and into a dungeon and past several cells, each one contains at least one person. We continue on past those until we reach the very end of the hallway, which is closed off from the other room of prisoners. The Seeker glances in the cell for a moment as she unlocks it, before swiftly turning back. “I hope you are able to give us some answers,” is the last thing she says as she walks back passed me. I stare at her back curiously as she leaves.

After the Seeker is out of sight, I close the door separating the prison, walk back over to the cell and open the door. As I take my first look at the person, what I see has my jaw, bag, and staff all hitting the floor, not necessarily in that order. _This_ was the cause of the disturbance of my dream in the Fade. _She_ is the disturbance!

I stand there for awhile just staring, much longer than what would be considered proper. I give a quick assessment, she seems fine for the most part, a few bumps and bruises and minor scrapes on her face and along her arms and hands, I did away with those with a wave of my hand. Her left palm was apparently the anomaly that was causing such a fuss among the humans. How it got there, I wish I knew, but somehow the magic contained within my orb was transferred into her body around the time of the explosion at the temple or the one in the sky, it was only a fraction of the power, but it is enough to really make a difference, for good or ill.

I attempt everything I know to pull the power from within her hand, no matter how I go about it, if I proceed with the removal, it will kill her. If it were anyone else I would consider it, but this girl is too precious to sacrifice in such a manner, it’s not an option. At one point during my poking and prodding of the magic in her hand, the Breach (as the humans have taken to calling it) had expanded, which causes the loud thunder and the ground rumbles from time to time, it also causes her body to react quite violently. The reaction showed me her mark is directly linked to the sky Breach, but also allowed me to see where her body needed shielding from the magic, this allowed me to at least contain it for the moment and also take the edge off the pain.

I have a theory that bringing her mark in contact with the Breach or the smaller “rifts” may in fact close them, with enough magic acting as a catalyst of course. Perhaps this will be the good news the Seeker has been waiting to hear.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If panic attacks from 1st person perspective set you off, for the love of god, skip this chapter. If slightly abstract/confused references to rape/non-con bother you, skip it.  
> This one reads very confused and chaotic and a bit juvenile, it's meant to be that way.

Kaerie’s (Kay-ree) PoV - 3rd night after breach

Wakes up in cell, after Solas’s first day of tests

 

My first feeling is cold, so so cold, my whole body shaking. The next feeling I have no words for, but it’s slightly unpleasant and causes me to keep scratching at the places. _And I feel heavy, why do I feel heavy? I have never felt heavy before. I usually float like all the bubbles and kelp around me._

I fight with myself to finally get my eyes to open. Now I’m wishing I hadn’t. I see lots of darkness and little color. _Where has all the color gone? There’s no water. How is there no water, how is that even possible? Oh creators, how can I breathe without water, how can I move without water, how can I live without water? Oh, no no no this is not real. It has to be a terrible dream, it has to be , it has to be... I can’t breathe ... somebody please help! no water... help please...anybody? ..can’t breathe_

I’m holding onto my neck and coughing, choking, suffocating, _help!.... another creature, maybe he can help me....I’m panicking please help, I can’t... wait, no no, I don’t like that way he’s looking at me, oh my chest hurts, please make the choking stop. No no, put me down_ I’m yelling at him but he just laughs me. The smell of his breath is making me sick. Please put me down I say again but I’m desperate now and flailing just trying to get him to drop me. _Oh my neck, choking again, someone please help me_ I cry out. I hit his nose and now he’s choking me harder, _oh please anyone..._ I can’t see, everything around me is getting much darker. _Ohhh ouch,_ he dropped me for some reason but I can see and breathe better now. He’s on his knees in front of me now so I try to grab the sharp thing he’s holding, but _ohhh ow that smarts really bad,_ he hit me. _Ok this time I really need to make sure I grab that thing, don’t miss, come on, you can do this._ I wait a moment til it seems he has to take a long blink to clear his eyes, and I reach out and grab the sharpy fast with both hands and before I really think about it, I stick it through him and he collapses. I look around to make sure no other mean ones are behind him, it looks empty though. He has strange things covering his body, _I wonder if that’s what the thing was covering me and making me scratch?_ I shrug to myself and grab it and wrap it around my shoulders and hold it tight in one hand and pull the sharpy out of the mean one in case there are more as I try to leave this place.

I sneak quietly through this long hallway, and up the stairs, there’s a very large room here but I see nothing so I race along the wall and peek out the big door, it is hard but I manage it. _This is where the cold is coming from!_ I push that to the side for now though, I stay to the shadows as much as I can and don’t come across any more of the mean things until I get close to the escape of this strange place. I watch him from the shadows for a few minutes. This mean one has almost golden hair, and he looks really tired or in pain, either one counts in my favor for distractions though. _I’ll try to sneak past him when.... wait, what is that out there, oh my creators listened, I think it’s water, I must get to it now. And the gold one is rubbing his eyes, perfect!_  I take off as quickly as I can, past the gold one and past this strange brown coral thing. _The water, I’m so close... almost there... Ouch!_ I cry out in pain as something in my lower body snaps and I fall down. I look back to see gold one standing behind me looking angry. I push myself up and swing my sharpy at him, but he easily steps of my range. I look sideways, _I’m so close to the water, if I throw the sharpy at him, that’s all the time I will need to reach it._ I hold it towards gold one, to make him think I’m going to swing at him again, but this time as I bring my arm around I let it fly at him. His face looks surprised for a moment but that is all I need.

I force myself the last short distance and jump in with a rush relief. The instant I’m fully under, I feel a prickling pain, so many sharp things stabbing into me over and over my entire body and I cry out in agony and curl into myself. Then there’s even more if it’s possible, gold one has reached the water and he’s pulling me out, by my hair. I claw at his hand trying get him to release me, he roughly pushes my hands away and I feel another snap. Every nerve in my body is overloading at this point, I cry and scream for someone to please end it. Gold one is still holding me and it looks he is saying something but I can’t hear him. There is a sudden tightness in my throat choking me again, but I welcome it this time. It means everything will be over very soon. Sure enough, after a few moments, my vision starts getting dark and fuzzy, and the pain fades. I am glad of the darkness this time.


	7. Chapter 7

Cullen’s PoV - 3rd night, while Kaerie runs from dungeon

 

I am standing at the front gate for awhile, this headache is killing me, and I’m so tired.

I have a sudden feeling that I’m being watched, but there’s not another soul around right now though, so it has to be the exhaustion getting to me. I’m in the middle of rubbing my eyes as another pain shoots through my head, when I hear crunching of gravel, someone is running right beside me. My sight finally clears and I see it’s the strange little elf girl we found in the woods. I chase her and catch up enough to trip her on the ice. I may have over done it though, because there’s a snap right before she makes a pained noise, I may have broken her ankle and I cringe. Rylen will never let me live this down, _I’m probably going to be the death of the poor girl at this rate._

She’s a feisty one though, she’s quickly on her knees facing me with a bloodied sword pointing at me. She makes a wild swing that I easily avoid. _How am I going to disarm her without hurting her any further or letting her use me as a practice dummy?_ I prepare myself for her next crazy swing, but as she brings her arm around she lets go of the damned thing and I barely dodge it in time.

 _Is she insane?_ She just jumped into a small hole cut into a mostly frozen lake. _Is she trying to kill herself?_ I rush over to the hole and thrust my hand down into the freezing water, hoping I grab a hold of some part, **any** part of her. _There!_ I feel something brush my fingers. I’m swiftly losing all feeling, but I consciously force my hand to close in a fist, holding onto whatever I managed to grab and yank my arm up out of the water. Unfortunately, I had grabbed a huge handful of her hair, so I know it’s hurting her. I can’t begin to put words to the sounds she is making, but I know what pain or agony sound like, and this is definitely it.

She’s grabbing and scratching at my hand to get me to drop her, but doing so would drop her back into the freezing water. I brush her hands aside attempting to stop her struggles, and another snap from one of her wrists immediately follows.

I’m not sure what is happening, but it seems like her body is going into a panic mode, the very air around us feels it will burst at any moment, so I cast a quick Silence on her in hopes of forcing her body to calm down. It takes effect immediately, and apparently too well, it has her grasping at her throat and chest heaving for several long moments like she is suffocating. Gradually, her body goes limp as she loses consciousness, and I let out a frustrated sigh.  _This girl’s body is ridiculously fragile and its reaction to a simple Silence should not have suffocated her._ This is a puzzle for later though, _right now I need to get her indoors and dry before she freezes to death._

I back away from the hole in the ice so I can safely put her down. Glancing down at her lower body has me doing a double take. _She has a Maker’s damned fishtail now, instead of legs._ I blink a few times trying to clear my vision but it’s still there. This is a whole new level of exhaustion I’ve never experienced before. _What is going on with me?_

I retrieve the blanket she left laying on the ice and wrap it around her well, especially the tail. I don’t need more people thinking I’m crazy, or asking questions about a fish girl. After she’s covered as well as can be, I pick her up and _oof!_ she seems heavier this time... Her skin already feels like it’s a sheet of ice. _I need to get her dry and near a fire right now._

As I head back through the gate, I call up to one of the guards along the top of the wall to take my post and make my way through the town, back through the Chantry, and into my office. I must’ve adjusted to the weight load quickly because it feels like she weighs next to nothing again. I reach my office and realize I have no restraint here. Incase she wakes up and goes into a panic again, I need her held still long enough to explain things, before she takes off in another mad dash. I set her down carefully on the floor and leave the room to go downstairs to grab a rope.

As I turn into the long hallway I realize, she shouldn’t have been able to get past the guard I had posted. My curiosity has me walking to the far cell where she had been, and my question is answered as I come into the room. My soldier is dead on the floor of her cell. Scowling, I abruptly turn around and march back down the hallway. Pausing momentarily at the guard station before the main cells, I grab two sets of cuffs and a few short lengths of chain before heading back to my room.

I slap cuffs around her wrists, linking them together with one of the chains, the second set around her ankles, linking those together as well. _Thank the Maker I’m not seeing the fish tail now._ I pick her up under the arms and drag her near the back wall of my office, and sit her next to the thick column in the middle of that part of the room. I take the chain linking her hands together and loop it over one of the higher hooks on the column, leaving her arms strung up above her head. It’s the only thing holding her up, she’d collapse like a doll otherwise. The last chain I wrap around her waist and hook it behind on the opposite side of the column.

There are very few things I brought to Haven with me from Kirkwall. Wanting to leave that life behind me to start over, it only made sense to start over in the material sense as well. I didn’t want to bring this with me when I left, but some scared part in the back of my mind had insisted on it, now I’m glad I did bring it. A collar of dwarven making, it has runes etched all around it, when worn by a mage it dampens, or stops any spell from being cast, like a preventative Silence, but it won’t harm the mage in any way. There’s only one key to it, and I have it well hidden. I think the collar will be perfect for this situation, it should help keep our elusive little fugitive on a tighter leash. I walk back to my desk and open the bottom drawer and dig around until I feel and grab what I am seeking. I slam the drawer closed and go over to her, taking the ring of metal and slipping it around her neck and snap it shut. _She won’t be going anywhere this time._

I walk over to the door and lean out, motioning to the nearest servant and have her report to Rylen about the guard’s body downstairs that needs attending. She dashes off without a word. Angrily I cross back to my desk, collapse backwards onto my chair, and return to the endless pile of paperwork.


	8. Chapter 8

Solas’s PoV - 3rd night

 

I am exhausted from all the magical experimentations and spells from today, that was by far the most mental exertion I have performed since I awoke from uthenera a year ago.

I fall into the Fade before my head hits my pillow. I spend most of night just wandering the mostly empty landscapes and taking solace in the quiet.

There are many humans (and a few elves) crammed into this town and it can be difficult to find a moment of peace for oneself.

To give credit to the humans here, the Seeker did assign me to a cabin of my own. I was pleasantly surprised and very grateful. I believe the news of my theory, about the mark being able to possibly close the rifts, was as well received as I took the news of the cabin assignment, so we were both pleased in the trade. I had also told her of my plans to stay on if possible and in return continue to help them in their fight. I firmly believe this group stands the best chance at closing the hole in the sky and successfully taking on the magister, if they are capable of gathering enough strength.

It is well into the night, really just a few hours until dawn when I feel something. It’s not quite a jolt rippling through the Fade like the previous night, but a calming presence that almost makes the air feel like it comes alive. The feeling is that of ancient Elvhen magic, from back in Arlathan, the time when the very air itself was magic. I believe I know what, or should I say who, is the cause.

I clear my mind to focus on her presence so I can find her dream. It does not take me long, her soul is a blazing star compared to the numerous other dreamers. I hone in on it and go to her.

Oddly enough, I appear to be incapable of entering, for me this is unheard of. Although, she has turned out to be quite the puzzle in every aspect thus far. Well, if I cannot enter the dream, I can at least observe what she is dreaming about, I focus on it as my hands rest on the barrier that is keeping me from entering. What I see is chaotic at best, watching it from outside, I see her in her true form on what I assume to be her actual world.

She’s underwater in an endless ocean, dodging invisible forces, throwing barrier after barrier, and ice walls around herself, doing everything she can to fight against currents and massive waves. They are pummeling her, pushing and pulling in every direction. She is alone and doing everything in her power to not be torn away from her position and swept off into the Beyond.

The longer I watch, the more I wonder if this was something that really happened, possibly the actual event that landed her here, or if this is more of a representation of how she feels right now. Considering I have not even seen her awake yet, I’m leaning toward the former.


	9. Chapter 9

Solas’s PoV - 4th morning

 

I release my focus I’m holding on her dream and allow myself to slip from the Fade. I wash my face and hands in my basin, then go over to the window, pulling the curtain aside to look out. I am up with the sun and curious to get back to the girl. I’m anxious to see her awaken and see if my theory will work on the rifts.

I leave my cabin and make my way through the Chantry, to the cell where I’d been with her the previous day. To my surprise the cell is empty. A small jolt of excitement runs through me at the prospect of getting to see her awake. I stand still for a moment throwing all my focus inward, since it is my magic marking her, I should be able to follow her trail, much like I did while the magister first had my orb.

Surely enough, I spot her aura almost instantly, and it is very close. I hurry back up the stairs and round a corner to a hallway I had not previously been in, the room on the left, it is almost as if the magic is tugging at me, like it knows I am searching for it. The door is cracked and I can just barely see a human man on the other side, sitting at a desk with his head in one hand and writing with the other. He has the look of military about him, but he looks tired and far from top condition. There is a single candle on his desk as lighting for the entirety of the room by the looks of it, it is difficult to see much beyond.

I knock on the door lightly trying not to startle him. His head jerks up at the noise despite my effort, and it seems to take a few moments to shake himself from his daze. He looks over toward the door and just says, “Enter.” I push the door inwards slightly allowing myself entrance.

“Greetings, I am Solas. I was looking for the girl they were keeping in the cell yesterday.”

He nods tiredly at me, “You must be the Fade mage Cassandra mentioned. I’m Commander Cullen Rutherford of the Inquisition’s forces here.” He gestures toward the far wall, “and there’s the girl you’re looking for,” he says tiredly as his head falls back into his hand, and he goes back to his paper.

I take that as his invitation to enter, stepping further into the room and I can finally look around to see where he was gesturing. It is quite dark that far into the room, but elven eyes are better in the dark than humans. I make my way over to her, I cannot stop my gasp of shock once I’m close enough to see more details. “What happened?”, I ask without really thinking.

“She led me on a little chase last night, after killing one of my soldiers, then took a couple swings at myself. I believe she may be a bit touched in the head or trying to kill herself to escape justice, she jumped right into the frozen lake out front of town,” he says grumpily without looking up from his work.

I raise a brow at this, not exactly what I was expecting to hear, but also not completely off the mark either. They have not figured out what she is by the sound of it. The dream of hers I witnessed, could very well be how she’s feeling after all. She awoke alone and confused, so she probably went straight into a panic.

She’s doesn’t look very good right now. Sitting on the floor, leaning against a pillar that she’s also chained to. The one bandage that was around her head covering her ears, is drooping a lot to one side. One of her wrists looks broken, that probably happened in her flight, both hands are chained above her head just left to hang. Her legs look alright but those are also chained together. In this position there’s not a lot for me to do, I go ahead and heal her wrist for now, at least hoping to spare her that little bit of pain. That is about all they will be willing to let me do for her right now, with her recent actions.

I’m about to stand to leave when the door bursts open, I finish the motion and spin around quickly. The Seeker Cassandra is there, leaning heavily on the door and breathing hard. “Good, both of you are here. We are running out of time. We need to go now!”

I look at her, not quite understanding the sudden urgency. There must be questions written all over my face, because she shakes her head at me, “The rifts, you’ll see on the way.” Turning around, she heads back toward the Chantry’s entrance. I shrug and follow in her steps.

 

*****

 

Cullen’s PoV - 4th morning

 

 _It’s always something,_ I sigh to myself. Not that it was a surprise, we’ve been keeping a close watch on all the rifts that have been popping up, we just thought we had a little more time.

The Fade mage, Solas, had followed Cassandra out, so guess it’s on me. I reach back behind me to grab the spare blanket on the foot of my bed. Standing up, I grab up my shield leaning against my desk and strap it on, then cross the room to the girl. I release the one chain holding her hands up and the one around her waist holding her to the column. I unfold the spare blanket and drape it around her shoulders, and after checking the other one to make sure it’s still secure, I scoop her up and leave the Chantry. I catch up with the others at the main gate. I see the dwarven rogue, Varric, standing with them as well. I guess Cassandra didn’t want to chance her “prisoner” trying to escape and decided to drag him along as well.

The elf’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, “You are attempting my theory before she awakens? That could endanger her life even further!”

Cassandra looks at him and shrugs, “We have tried to wait. Unfortunately, we are out of time.” She turns without another word and starts climbing the hill. We all follow her silently, except for the crunching of our boots in the snow.


	10. Chapter 10

Solas’s PoV - 4th morning pt.2

 

I had not expected the Seeker to be this brash. _We shouldn’t be doing this_ repeats in my head over and over as I follow the others up the hill. We shortly crest the lowest part of the hill and right there is a rift. I did not think they were this close to the town already, part of me understands her need for haste now. I still think it unwise to attempt this with the girl unconscious, but they see no other alternative. This first rift is simple, just a couple wisps which our new dwarf companion takes out, and a couple lesser shades, which I immediately freeze them in place and the Seeker sends them off with a nice shield bash, shattering them into little pieces all over the hill.

Now begins the tricky part. I hurry over the few steps to the Commander and grab the girl’s left hand, palm facing the rift. The two connect in a way, it is like chaotic ribbons of electricity dancing between them. When they first connect I can feel a jolt run through the girl’s body. Nothing else happens as we stand there waiting for anything, so it appears I will need to fuel the action with my magic. I focus on the connection between the hand and the rift. I slowly use my magic in a suction or pulling form, tugging until all the ribbons are stretched tight, at this point, the girl’s body arches painfully, and feeling like it’s now or never, I give one more strong yank on the thread of power. There’s a small implosion in the air, and the rift disappears as if it were never there. At the same time as the end of my last pull, her body did a violent jerk, but then she went completely limp again. I swear she looks paler now, this must be taking a heavy toll on her, and it is not one I want her to be paying.

The other three are ecstatic though, they are so happy there is now a ‘cure’ for their rift problem, heedless of the price of their lives being paid by someone else. I hate them in this moment.

We continue up the hill, closing several more rifts in the same fashion. With the closing of each one, on that final pull of power each time, her body reacts in that same full body spasm and she looks paler and sicklier after each consecutive rift, which is throwing more guilt onto my already full plate. With the closure of each rift, on the final pull of each one through her, I feel the smallest fraction of my power being returned to me. It’s like I’m stealing it from her piece by piece, which is exactly what I did **not** want to do after the day I spent examining her hand.

We finally reach the top of the hill, we have made it to the temple. The magister’s voice is speaking in a vision of sorts, sacrificing the Divine Justinia, the head religious figure that was killed in the Conclave. It is her death a large majority of the humans are mourning. At one point, the Divine was strong enough to break one arm free of her bonds, and she was able to smack the orb away from his hand. It was not enough of an impact to stop or interrupt the ritual exactly, but it caused a disturbance in the spell when the orb hit the floor. It was at that point, the scenery changed to a raging ocean (not unlike the girl’s dream from the previous night). It didn’t show herself this time at all, but what it did show was a terrible storm ripping the skies apart with green lightning bolts, the clouds swirling wildly, so similar while simultaneously being so much worse than the Breach in our own sky.

Wanting to be done with this, I nodded to Cassandra, she in turn readied everyone else positioned around the field. I yanked open the Breach through her. We defeated Pride, and then I yanked it closed through her.

During the last pull, it was brutal on her already exhausted form. My stomach was sick with worry and guilt as I began the spell. Even being unconscious, she let loose this heartbreaking cry of agony from deep within her chest which made the echo even worse as it bounced off the surrounding mountaintops. The knock back of this size was enough to send us all flying backwards off our feet. It was then her cry was abruptly cut off and it was accompanied by a loud crack. 

The Commander had lost hold of her when he was thrown backwards. I had staggered to my feet as I moved to her as quickly as I could, so afraid of what I would find.

 _Please just let her be alive, let her be ok._ She was deathly still, no breath, no heartbeat, and the magic of mine in her hand was flickering into darkness, the pull I had been constantly feeling from it had slackened, almost gone...I heard someone screaming into the heavens. _Is that me? Bloody creators, they kill everything I touch._

I don’t know what came over me, but I couldn’t let her go, not like that. I refused. I began to cast what I have never casted for any other, never thought about it, never wanted to, but right then, the urge was clawing at me, it just felt right. An ancient spell from Arlathan, it tears off a part of your own aura or life force, and gives it to another, forever binding yourself to them in a way. It is a sign of the ultimate devotion and protection and love, sometimes done between lovers, sometimes dear friends, sometimes parent to child. In this instance, from stranger to stranger to share the gift of life, giving up part of mine to give it to her. In this age with the Veil present to dampen the effect of magic, I knew this gift would be short-lived, but it might be just long enough.

I slash through the chains on her feet and wrists with fingers hot enough to eat through the metal, tossing them aside, I hop up bringing her with me. I turn to the Seeker long enough to say “I have to get her back. _Now_.” After that I turn and I’m fade-stepping us toward Haven, except this is faster than I have ever gone before. It is plain reckless to go above a certain pace that you feel yourself comfortable with, I left that thought back on the mountain top, may as well have thrown it into the Breach at this point. This pace is beyond reckless, everything blurs so quickly I can’t make out where one tree starts and the other stops. The cold from it is making my whole head numb, and the wind forcing my eyes closed so I can barely see through the slits.

I get her back soon enough and head straight for my cabin. I lay her out gently on my bed for the moment. Before anything else I force more magic into bond to make sure her condition is at least stable, it is harder than it should be, it feels like I am having to force and shove the magic through cracks that don’t exist, all this effort just to keep her in a delicate limbo, but she seems to be alright for the moment. 

Taking what little assurance that I can, I move on, starting at the top and working down this time. I take off the bandage from her head, as I try to pull it off, it snags or seems stuck, I turn her head to the side to find the problem. I hiss out loud as I find a large gash across the back of her scalp. It’s amazing I didn’t see that before, the blood clot and the bandage had made a mess of her hair though so it was admittedly kind of hidden.

Lifting all of her hair up, away from her face and neck, and to side, reveals some large fingerprints bruised into her neck and a large knot across a cheek where she’d obviously been struck and choked. Shoulders and arms clear enough, the wrist I thought I’d healed earlier, apparently not as healed as it should be, again something must have blocked the healing. Going down the torso, there’s a bit of bruising, maybe a broken rib or two, studying her back I cringe, looks like a fractured spine, which would account for that last awful cracking noise after the knock back from the Breach. From her waist down is surprisingly clear, except for one broken ankle, there’s just a few bumps and bruises. I try again to heal her but to no avail. 

Frustrated, I sit at the head of the bed, putting her head on my lap and both of my hands on each of her temples, I relax my head and back against wall and force my mind into the Fade. Last time I visited her dreamscape, it was chaotic. This time is lifeless. I knew she would be close to death, but her dream just confirms it even further, it is difficult to watch.

She’s laying on a black surface, although it’s hard to call it a surface, there is no sky or ground, just blackness everywhere and there she is in the middle of it. Laying mostly on her side and sort of curled in on herself. I can pass right into it this time, the barrier is so thoroughly shredded, it may as well be nonexistent.

As I walk closer, I am surprised to see she notices and recognizes my presence just based on my aura in her current state. Her eyes open halfway as she looks right at me, it tears my heart out of my chest all over again as she tries so hard to give me a weak smile, and the fingers on the hand closest to me twitch slightly like she wants to reach for me but can’t. So I do it for her, I walk right over and fall to my knees in front of her, I gently take her hand in mine, and press it to my cheek slowly.

As soon as the contact is made, I’m flooded by her waves of emotions, thankfulness, happiness, and love. “Thank you, hah’ren,” she sends the whispered words into my mind. I am discomfited as she sends these thoughts and feelings to me through our connection. I am the only one who has done anything for her in a long while and she wants me to know and understand the appreciation. I do not believe I have ever made an impact like this. In my thousands of years of life, no one has ever told or shown me an appreciation such as this, it is quite humbling.

“Da’len, show me what happened to you.” Again I’m lost in a tidal wave of thoughts and feelings, it takes me a few moments to piece it all together correctly. 

When she had first awoken it was much like I expected, she was alone and confused and panicking. The guard had unlocked her cell once he saw her awake and thought to use her for a fun time, he had choked her and left the knot along her cheek where he struck her. She had gotten lucky when she was flailing around blindly and landed a couple good hits on his nose and the eye then she got his sword and ended him.

She skims through the sneaking around Haven until she gets to the gate where the Commander had been standing guard. She had been so desperate to return to water she didn’t care how reckless it was to just run by him. He accidentally broke her ankle when he tripped her up on the ice. Then her wild throw of the sword to distract him long enough to make the jump into the hole of the lake. She didn’t know the water would be that cold, or how sensitive she would be to it, and then the painful rescue by the Commander. I grudgingly had to admit he had saved her life.

None of this memory recall is going to help our immediate problem though. I need to know what is blocking my magic from healing her. I ask if she had any ideas what could be causing it, but she is unable to tell me much. It feels like a constant drain, like a poison eating away at her. There is not much else I can do on this side for now, so I tell her I need to wake to try whatever else I can.

My gut feeling is telling me to question the Commander, I need to know if he did anything besides that Silence on her. I try to keep my emotions in check as I pass through the Chantry. It is an exercise in futility though, my hands are already balled into fists as I reach their meeting room.

I send the door flying open and I am suddenly looking into four startled faces all staring at me. I turn my glare on the Commander immediately, “What did you do to her?” I snap out.

“What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything,” he tells me with a confused look on his face.

“You did _something_. I can’t heal her, everything is being blocked by something, what did you do?”, I continue to press him.

“Maker’s breath, I didn’t do a damned thing to her! I tried to save her last night. What reason would I have to kill her _now_?”

“You are a Templar! Everyone knows you hate mages! You casted Silence. You strung her up in chains. Now she’s dying. What. Did. You. Do.” I practically growl out at him from gritted teeth. I am at the end of my patience.

Everyone turned their startled faces to look at him now. His face was getting red from his own anger now, and he’s getting defensive. “I was only trying to help her. The Silence was because her magic was getting out of control. She killed one of my soldiers! It was just to keep her under control.” He firmly grounds out, steadfast in his thinking he’s in the right. Suddenly, the blood drained from his face. “Maybe the collar...,” he mumbles out loud. His face creases as he goes into thought and then uncertainty then doubt.

“You **collared** her? You put you own fucking _leash_ on her?” I yell almost in a rage at this point.

“It only prevents the wearer from using magic! It’s not supposed to do anything else,” he weakly stammered out in his defense now.

“A collar to block her magic, that is poison to her. You may as well give her a death sentence. You are killing her!”

The uncertainty and doubt was finally enough to crack his resolve. He walked out of the room then, and returned a moment later with a key.

I turned and stalked back to my cabin in a red-tinted haze. When I was back in my cabin with the door locked, and a ward thrown down for good measure, the first thing I did was unlock the collar and toss it and the key on to a table across the room. I hovered my hands over her lifeless body with the slightest shake in my hands from nerves. I tested a small push of healing and there was freedom at last, no barriers in the way or cracks to shove through, so I poured in everything I had to give until my reserves were bone-dry and I was dizzy from the effort.

After I recovered a little, I went looking for a servant and asked them to bring me as large of a tub as they could find. A short time later, there were two of them dragging in a decent sized round wooden tub. As soon as they left, I filled it with a simple water spell, drew a fire rune in the bottom and a few moments later there was a nice warm bath bubbling away in the middle of my cabin.

I returned to my bed to pick up the little elf and gently placed her in the tub. Her body transitioned instantly, it was the first time I ever had seen it with my own eyes. A real Sea-elf, changing from elven form to her water form, or so-called “mermaid” form, she was glorious and she had no idea.

I picked up one of the scrubbing stones, and again starting at the top, I started with her hair. I took out all the pieces of coral, shells, and beads I could salvage and laid them to the side for later if she wanted. It took awhile, but all the tangles from the head wound and the blood were completely washed out, and it was finally shining again. The healing I did fixed most of the problems, the back of the head, wrist, spine, ribs, and ankle. However, the bruises themselves would still take a couple more days to fully disappear, so there wasn’t much I could do about the huge handprint around her neck, as offensive was it was. Soon enough, I had her clean down to her tail. I was not exactly fluent on Sea-elven cleaning practices, so she would have to enlighten me later.

I had done all I could, she needs time and rest now. I feel like I could use some too. I grabbed the damned collar and key from the table and left the cabin, setting a ward so no one could enter until I returned. I went into the Chantry, and straight to the Commander’s office this time. I don’t bother knocking but I don’t break down the door either. As I enter his room, he’s sitting there with his head in his hands, slowly he raises his head and looks at me expecting anything. “She’s recovering for now,” I tell him shortly, as I drop the collar and key on the desk in front of him.

He looks a bit relieved, and nods thankful for the news. Perhaps I was a little hard on him, but I don’t regret it for a moment.

Then I turn and leave, going back to my cabin and recast the ward across the door, I flop down on my bed and slip into the Fade for the night.

*****

 

Cullen’s PoV - 4th day pt.2

 

At first, the elf’s accusations made me angry. _He’s a stranger to me. How dare he accuse me of anything_. I was on the verge of snapping out at him when he got to the Silence and accusing me of poisoning the girl. _Try_   _to kill her? Why would I purposefully save her from freezing water to then turn around and attempt to kill her with poison?_ That part made no sense to me, but after the Silence she **had** reacted to it overly much, so that made a small part of me start to think his words _may_ hold some truth to them. I sincerely hoped not, but I wasn’t going to continue hurling words at each other to find out.

I had exited the War Room then, going to my office to retrieve the key from hiding and swiftly returned, dropping it into his hand. He had left then without another word. Cassandra had eventually turned to close the doors to the room and returned to her place by the table, but she was looking at me with mixture of confusion, pity, disappointment and a little anger. All three of the women were looking at me, each with varying degrees of the same emotions.

“There was no way I could have known,” I tried defending my actions, but they sounded pathetic even to my ears.

The Fade mage was correct, my past in Kirkwall was well known by most, and most mages tended to shy away from me because of it, even in passing. I choose to ignore it on a daily basis, but subconsciously it has added up over time and it has begun to hurt.

I should have handled this situation with the girl differently, but hindsight is always clearer. I don’t need to see the looks on these womens’ faces to know how badly I failed, I can feel it in my own self-disappointment.

Eventually the silence becomes awkward, I can feel their questions and comments or criticisms hanging in the air, just waiting to be verbalized. It’s finally tense enough that I need to get out, so I silently excuse myself. Closing the door behind me, my feet drag me back to my office. I close that door behind me as well, no one else needs to see me like this. I make it over to my desk and fall backwards onto my chair then let my head thump forward onto the desk. I stay that way for awhile letting everything process and contemplating on some of the factors in my past and how they are currently effecting me and my actions. There is so much guilt hanging over me right now, and it’s all just accumulating to the self-hatred I already feel.

After a long while, my door opens, I look up tiredly to see it’s the Fade mage. He apparently came just to return the key and collar to me, as he drops them on to the desk in front me, but he must see the question all over my face, the one I’m afraid to put voice to.

“She’s recovering for now.” Those are his only words for me, but he somehow knew I needed to hear them. I nodded gratefully to him for the information. _Thank the Maker._  I allow myself a small sigh of relief after he leaves. It doesn’t make all the guilt disappear, but it takes a fraction of the weight off my shoulders for the moment and allows me to breathe a little easier.


	11. Chapter 11

Cullen’s PoV - 5th day

I awoke much later, stiff and disoriented. I don’t even remember falling asleep at my desk in the first place. I had washed and redressed quickly, unsure of what time it was, it’s silent and still as I walk through the Chantry. I get outside and it’s still dark, about an hour until dawn, which leaves me hesitating slightly. I had planned heading straight to the training grounds, but now I have a few minutes I can spare. A random, stray thought surfaces in my head for a split second and before I can decide if it’s a good or bad one, my feet are already carrying me in the direction.

 When I get to the cabin, is the moment I fully realize what the thought entails.

I can see candle-light flickering under the door and through the curtain covering the small window beside the door. I shuffle my feet a few times trying to decide whether to knock or leave. _Knock or leave, knock or leave.. Maker’s breath Cullen._

Before I can make my decision, the door opens, surprising me slightly. The bald elf is standing there staring me down before asking, “Commander, do you intend to come in or not?” 

I nod a bit sheepishly. He turns away but leaves the door open for me to follow, which I do. When I turn around to take in the room, my sword which I had forgotten to finish tying on, slides out of my hand and lets out a loud thud as it hits the floor. I try to make a fully coherent thought but I am failing miserably, and the stuttering coming out of my mouth is no better.

“Th-th-there’s a..Th-that..what..Sh-sh-she’s got...F-f-fish t-tail? What? Why?!” _Oh, Maker._   _I really, really, hope I’m not losing my mind right now._

The elf had crossed back across the cabin and was lounging back on his bed with his nose in a book, like there was nothing unusual in the middle of his room.

“That confirms my suspicions,” he mumbles to himself as he turns a page. A moment later, he continues without looking up, “Yes, Commander, as you so eloquently phrased, she does have a tail resembling that of a fish. She is called a ‘Sea-elf’. This her water form and when she is out of water or just wills herself into it, she takes on the normal elven female form I am sure are more familiar with.”

It was right about then I started choking on absolutely nothing but my own embarrassment or possibly the dry air. “I thought I was going crazy the other night when I pulled her out of the lake and I saw the tail. I thought I was seeing things because I was so exhausted.” This admission has him looking up from his book. “So you did see and have not told the others?”

I nod. “I saw, but I thought I was losing my mind. I wasn’t about to test the idea by asking anyone else if they saw it too.”

“If word gets out, it will likely endanger her life, more so than it already is. People will either want her dead for being different, for being escalated to a religious figure, without her might I add, or want to use her as an exhibition. I am not keen on any of those happening, but it was only a matter of time before you, the Seeker, and the Spymaster were to find out. Now that you do, maybe you can start to understand her importance, and the delicacy of herself and her situation, and hopefully, you will be able to help control it.”

I’m silent for several minutes as I kneel beside the tub to inspect her more closely for the first time. She’s laid out in a wooden tub filled with water, head leaned far back on the edge with her hair cascading to the floor in a white and silver waterfall with green near the ends. The face, jaw and ears are all very angular, distinct elven features. Her skin is a light blue with silver undertones, and she has silver swirls on her face like the Dalish I have seen. There’s a dark mark along one of her cheeks and a clear bruise of a handprint marring her neck. I do not touch her, but leave my hand hovering close while I glance up at the elf waiting for an explanation.

A dark look crosses his face as tells me, “It was your soldier, when he saw her awakening, he’d gone into her cell with the intent of ...using...her.” His free hand balls into a fist. “She only defended herself, luckily she killed him, because if not I would still be working on him...” his eyes narrow dangerously as he trails off.

A sick feeling forms in the pit of my stomach as I listen to him, a lot of the information starts falling into place now as I grasp a slightly larger picture. I continue on with my curious inspection of her, her upper torso is submerged so at least her breasts aren’t right in my face, even so, I scoot to the other side of the tub pretty quickly to avoid the embarrassment. Now I’m faced with the part that has left me so dumbfounded, again I don’t touch, leaving my hand hovering questioningly over a small part of the tail that isn’t under the water, I look up to the elf, Solas, again. He has a small smirk on his face, like there’s some joke I’m missing.

He stands up and walks over at this point, “I doubt she would begrudge you for innocent curiosity.” As he kneels beside me, he rolls his sleeves above his elbows before pushing both hands below the water and then looking like he’s grasped hold on something large or heavy, gently pulls his arms back up above the surface of the water. In his arms, he almost cradles the large base of her tail. It’s a blue similar to her skin but a few shades darker, the scales make it iridescent, if I move my head at all changing the angle, the colors change. I’ve never seen anything like it before. I gently touch the scales where he holds it above the water, it feels much like a fish, but somehow more supple.

I retract my hand at that point, finally realizing how personal this could be considered. I stand up awkwardly and rub the back of my neck, thinking that it was probably improper to be touching her tail or something while she’s asleep. I think most women would be at least bothered if not outright angry if they awoke to find a strange man poking their foot. There may be some weird law about tail-touching or something else equally strange. At least I’ve never been in a situation like this before, so I had no precedent on which to base this. _Definitely broke some kind of protocol there._

He picks up on my sudden discomfort, and chuckling, he gently returns her tail below the water. He magics his hands dry as he stands up and rolls his sleeves back down.

Still rubbing at my neck I try to find the right words to try to express myself, “I know it doesn’t do much in amends, but I wanted to apologize for yesterday’s episode. You were correct about everything you said. I was accused of many things during my time in Kirkwall and I unknowingly brought some of it here with me, after I thought I was passed the worst of it.” _There, I said it._

“Apology accepted, Commander. However, I fear the consequences of her passing now would run far deeper than either of us can imagine,” he says ominously. “She will recover faster if left in water for now, since that is her natural state. Once she is conscious again, it is going to take awhile to help her acclimate to this environment. She is not used to walking, talking or even breathing in the way you and I do, which you may have noticed the other night.”

I nodded, a bit dazedly, feeling overwhelmed from everything he was telling me,”Thank you for your help so far, Solas. I just wanted to check in to see how she doing. I should go though, I need to get the troops ready for training shortly.” It was the best I could come up with to excuse myself.

“Of course, Commander,” he says as he inclines his head and I turn to leave the cabin.

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

Solas

This felt akin to guard duty, watching over the little elf for the next few days. As I had predicted, her life was slightly in danger, but the ones who wanted her dead were either careless or just plain imbeciles, those few were apprehended before getting anywhere near my cabin. The majority of the people were now walking around calling her their herald, the blessed herald of Andraste herself. _Maybe they all had some level of stupidity, just some more so than others,_ I smirked to myself.

This guard duty was far from the worst work I have ever had to do. She was very much worth guarding, and I did so quite happily. It got allowed me lots of quiet time to read and study as much material as I could get my hands on. I was allowed to keep my cabin, free food and drink from the tavern, and even a little recreational time put into some sketches, after I was able to talk the ambassador into parting with some paper and charcoal. This was the third such day passing in this fashion, although this one was quickly coming to a close, it was almost time to go grab dinner.

A shudder suddenly went through the air, and a few moments later there was a splash. I turned around swiftly to see my charge finally awake. Sitting up straight with wide eyes on me for a split second before immediately lowering them to the floor and flipping her tail around to bend it under herself, as if she were sitting on it, and hastily bowing to me.

I got up from the desk, placing aside the book I was currently holding, and crossed the room to kneel on the floor at her side. It hit me right then, and not for the first time, how small this little elf really is. My main goal was to keep her calm, she knew myself from my aura that was now intrinsically twined with her own, so she did not fear me specifically, but any loud noises or sudden movements could possibly trigger a panic, and that was the last thing I wanted.

I disliked her vallaslin from the moment I saw her, but her willingness to bow that soon in my presence left a very sour taste in my mouth.

“ _Look at me, little one,”_ I told her in Elvhen, wanting to test something. She jerked, so she understands Elvhen, the long dead language of the ancients, not the modern day bastardized version the Dalish are so proud to use. _Fascinating. “Da’len, I told you to look at me,”_ I say much firmer this time and making sure to allow some of the disapproval to reach her through the bond. She slowly raises herself from her bow, but she cannot seem to get herself to look directly at me. I reach out my hand this time, and firmly push her jaw upwards with a finger while holding her chin with my thumb, tilting her face up toward mine. She raised her eyes to mine, and once there she seemed stuck and unable to move.

“ _Do you understand Elvhen?”_ I ask her, even though I already know the answer. She gives a small nod with the allowance my grip gives her. “ _Can you speak it?”_ I ask. Another small nod, but this one more hesitant. “ _You can, but it is difficult for you since it uses the vocal sounds your native tongue does not.”_  I finish the statement for her. Her eyes widen momentarily as her mouth falls open in shock slightly, then realizing it she quickly bites her lower lip but nods rapidly and much stronger this time.

“ _Do you know me, da’len?_ ” I ask, this time sending it as a thought to her mind, squinting as I do so, curious of how she will respond.

“ _Yes, hah’ren. I recognize you. You pulled me back from the darkness,_ ” She sends back in thought, replying in the exact same manner I questioned her.

I allow a corner of my mouth to crook up into a partial smile and release her chin. 

“ _Well done, da’len. You are a natural or a quick learner, which will be a refreshing change.”_

She blushes heavily at the praise, and gives a small smile before finally lowering her gaze to stare at the floor, “ _I thank you, hah’ren. That is high praise. I hope I live to one day return your favor._ ”

“ _I hope that day never comes, da’len._ ” I honestly tell her. “ _Now, you must have questions_.”

“ _I have many, but I’m not sure where to begin,_ ” she confesses.

“ _Take your time, this is not something to be rushed_ ,” I urge her.

“ _Why is there no water in this place?_ ”

“ _This place is unlike what you are used to, in many aspects, as you will soon discover. There is much water to be found, if you know where to look, but there is a whole world of life above the water as well. It is here where most of the life resides, at least on this world_ ,” I try to explain, but I am unsure how much of the concept she is really grasping.

“ _Why is your appearance so different from my own, hah’ren?_ ”

“ _You will find my appearance to be commonplace. However, yours is quite special here_.”

“ _I do not understand,_ ” She says as she cocks her head at me curiously.

“ _You are not home anymore, da’len. You are the only known Sea-elf on this world. Your appearance will be considered very unique, or different, on this world._ ” I choose and phrase my words as delicately as possible, but there’s only so much I can do to soften a blow like that. Better she hear it from me here and now, than walk out that door and go into shock for another three days. 

She takes it about as well as can be expected. She looks crestfallen, and her ears fall over in her disappointment. _Such expression in her ears alone._ I feel sympathy for her plight, but I am continually fascinated by more and more things about her, I would be lying to myself if I said that I wish she were not here.

She suddenly tries to straighten again and puts on as stoic a face she can manage, “ _Our world seemed to be dying and there are not many of us left, so mayhap it’s for the best._ ”

“ _What was happening to your world to make you think that?_ ” I ask out of sheer curiosity.

“ _The magic was dying. They used to say magic and the world were one being, and then a thousand years ago, they were suddenly separated. Now, there’s a barrier holding the magic back, we can reach to the barrier to use it and bend the magic to do little things, but nothing like the elders said we used to be able to do._ ”

Cold chills run over my entire body. _Could I really have destroyed her world along with my own, when I raised the Veil? If so, how many other worlds have I doomed?_

The consequences of my actions had been so much more far-reaching than I ever thought possible. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell her who and what I really am now. I had been anxious to speak more freely with her, someone to share my ancient past with, and learn more of hers, the similarities between them and finally figure out when or how our worlds had connected.

_If she learns who I really am, she would hate me, she could possibly try turning the bond back against me, but end up hurting or killing herself in the process. She could possibly out me to the humans here, ruining any chance of getting my orb back. What a mess, and completely of my own making._

I suddenly feel the need to get out, away from her, I need to get out of the cabin and some fresh air, maybe take a few minutes to myself at the tavern and get some dinner. _Anywhere away from her will work, right now she is a glaring reminder of my monumental mistakes._ I rise to my feet abruptly and tell her I will return shortly.

“ _Please! Hah’ren?_ ”

I can hear her confusion and pain through the bond, even once I reach the tavern. _I need to go further out, I need to get away._

_*****_

 

Kaerie 

I came back from the darkness slowly, I knew there was something very wrong with me. I didn’t know what it was or how to fix it though, it felt like there was this constant drain on my soul. I tried so hard to pull in magic through the barrier, and use it to heal and try to sustain myself, but what little progress I managed to make was negated by the constant drain.

It was somewhere around that time, I felt a warmth, the first I’d felt since I’d gotten to this strange place, it went much deeper than a physical warmth. It enveloped my whole being, strangely taking the place of my own aura, because mine feels so small, it may as well not even be there. It was also right then I realized, this new one was the only thing keeping me alive right now and I could hear screaming, or maybe I felt it. I don't understand why. _None of these creatures know me, and I don’t know any of them._   _Why does one feel this strongly of my passing existence?_ He is the one who casted a magic long forgotten, giving up part of his soul to hold me here. His aura is now combined with mine own, meaning I know the feel of his now as surely as I know my own.

 _Why does my passing bother him so? Is he an elder himself? Is he one of the original creators the elders used to speak of? He must surely be someone of importance, if he knows the ancient magics._ I’m too tired to allow the train of thought to continue much further. My little remaining amount of energy shifts to studying his aura, _or the new part of my own I could say?_ For the most part, my mind and consciousness just fade and drift for a long while.

I have no definition of time right now, but I find I don’t care. My body feels healed and my aura is repairing itself. I feel safe, warm, and protected, so I allow myself to continue drifting for now.

At some point, I feel myself recovered enough to awaken again. Everything that’s recently happened comes rushing back, not in a panic but in a I-am-very-instantly-awake way. _Oh... the hah’ren is here! I don’t know what to say to him, or what to do... how do I begin to thank him for the gift he gave me? Dammit Kaerie, think. Think of something! Anything!_ _Oh no, don’t stare! Look at the floor quick, oh and bow, that is a good sign of respect._

 _Why am I feeling disapproval from him?.. Mamae always said, bow and show respect to your elders. Is bowing a sign of disrespect here? Oh creators, I hope not_. I feel so ashamed, I don’t know what to do in such a simple situation. _I would be such a disgrace to Mamae right now_.

He pulls my chin up a bit sharply. He is a very proud and intimidating presence, and already I can feel him weighing and sizing me up, judging and expectations I will likely never reach. Once he finally made me look at him, I found myself incapable of looking away, even if his hand were gone, I don’t think I would have been able to. He is ageless, many centuries and eons of wisdom and knowledge residing within him, and staring out at me through his stormy, calculating gaze.

I answer every one of his questions as well and honestly as I could. However, he surprised me with a willingness to provide his own answers. A few of which were very unexpected and not wholly accepted by my mind just yet.

“ _Hah’ren don’t go. Wait! Please, come back,”_ I tried calling out to him, to apologize. I have no idea what part of what I had told him had been the one to push him away, but I wished I could take it back, unsay it.

 _Hurt, that’s how I’m feeling now. Hah’ren is basically running away from me right now and I don’t know why._ I said something he did not like but I don’t know what or why. _Did he disagree with what I said, does he know what did happen, or maybe how it happened? Maybe his people had different stories and he didn’t want to hear mine._ I feel hurt, regret, shame and guilt. With the bond between us now, it’s difficult to tell which emotions are mine and which ones are his, maybe all of them for each of us. The worst part was, the one person with whom I had a connection is gone, wanting nothing to do with me.

 

 

After the hah’ren’s seemingly sudden departure, all the pent up emotions blew up in my head. I threw myself backwards in this container thing I was inside, put my head under the surface of the water and blew a bunch of bubbles out in my frustration. Watching the bubbles floating to the surface was slightly cathartic, but it gave me an idea of something I wanted to try, and the activity would make for a wonderful distraction.

Once I felt for it, I realized there was a barrier in this place just like my old home, so at least I was familiar with the feel of it and how to work it. I set my mind to focusing on this container holding the water I was in, learning the edges and boundaries and feeling for the weight of it. When I was comfortable with my ability to manage it, I slowly raised the water out of its holder, and ever so carefully shaped it into a bubble.

I was so happy and proud of my little accomplishment. I made sure to keep a hold on it in the back of my mind, as I scooted myself right below it and then pushed myself off the base of hah’ren’s place as hard as I could. Once I was inside of it, I gradually brought it up higher and more toward the middle of the space to allow myself more movement. I grinned and clapped so excitedly to myself.

I felt like a da’len who had just discovered their magic for the first time. In a way, that was a good description for it, having to learn to use my magic to manipulate things outside of water was going to be a very similar circumstance. I laughed a little to myself as I considered the situation. I dazed off into my own little daydream as I swam around in my floating bubble of water, lazily doing twirls, spins, and flips. It felt wonderful being able to stretch out completely and having my full range of motion, absolute freedom.

I heard a loud noise all a sudden and twisted around, looking down to see what it was. There was the gold one, and he was staring straight up at me, as if he had come to finish what he didn’t finish the first time. My whole mind went into a panic at that point, I lost my concentration on my bubble spell and it went crashing down on to everything below, taking myself with it. I yelped as I landed onto something hard, but not enough to hurt. I felt my whole body flinch as I was moved, opening my eyes to take in the damage, I saw I was practically nose to nose with gold one. He had caught me as I fell from the bubble, and I had just made his job of getting me all the easier. I let out a shriek as loud as I could, praying to the creators, hoping hah’ren would be close enough to hear.

Gold one was having none of this, he clapped a hand over my mouth trying to quiet me, but that just scared me more as I tried wriggling and twisting to get away from him, but it was no good, he was far too strong and had a solid hold on me.

 _Hah’ren_ _please help!_... I cry out one last time sending it through the bond in my mind as hard as I could, hoping he would hear or feel it. I feel like my conscious mind shut down at that point. _Did_   _I slip into another panic attack? I don’t know, I can’t remember, the whole breathing and seeing problem started again and it’s all blurry from there._

 

 

Some time later, I felt a sharp coolness entered my mind, just enough of a spike to get some part of my brain to focus on words, my body did as the words instructed, slow and rhythmic, it was very calming to every part of me right now. Inhale and exhale, there was nothing but the words and the actions.

After a little while, my mind seemed to just take back over again, almost like nothing had happened, but when I realized it was hah’ren’s voice, that it was him sitting in front of me, I threw myself at him and started bawling like I never had before, and clung to him as tightly as I could, and saying I was sorry over and over. It didn’t feel as if I could ever say it enough to really convey how I felt.

*****

 

Cullen

I had just finished up with the troops for the day, and went on to the tavern for a hot dinner before I was planning to head to the War Room. It was a little spur of the moment, but it had been three days now, I decided to stop by Solas’s cabin on the way there, and check in to see how the little elf girl is recovering.

I left the tavern by the back entrance since it was closer to cabin and made it up the steps. I saw light coming from inside and so I went ahead and knocked. I could see some kind of movement coming through the shadows against the curtain. _Maybe_ _he_ _didn’t_ _hear_ _my_ _knock_? I reach out and crack the door open to poke my head in to try getting his attention.

When I open the door, it’s not exactly what I was expecting to see.. the little elf has awakened, and apparently has made herself right at home. She’s somehow managed to levitate a full tub’s worth of water high into the air, in the middle of the cabin, shaped it into a perfect ball, and proceeded to use it for swimming practice? _Although it looks more like a dance.._ It’s  hypnotic watching her swimming around in circles, doing flips and loops, and other dizzying shapes.

The sudden thought had crossed my mind, that this has to be one of the strangest but prettiest things I’ve ever seen, and I realized I shouldn’t be standing there with the door open for anyone walking by to see this. I stepped inside quickly and closed the door behind myself. I guess it was loud enough to draw her attention, and it didn’t really occur to me that stepping inside was a bad idea, until it turned out to be a bad idea. Once she lost her focus, all the water and all of her came crashing down, right on top of me. When I opened my eyes again, I was soaked from head to toe, armor and all, and my arms were full of sea-elf, whose face happened to be startlingly close to my own. Not that I was complaining exactly, but the last time she saw me, this little elf was throwing a sword at me.

I shifted slightly to get ready to set her down on the bed or chair, but the moment I moved, it was like she just realized she had landed on me and flinched, so I froze where I was, trying not to add to her panic. She opened her eyes a moment later, and once she realized how close we were, she wailed like a banshee. _Not_ _really_ , her vocalizations are extremely different, it was clear she was upset and I think calling for help? _Maybe_? But hers was more like a trill, and down in her chest. It wasn’t as loud as a normal scream would be, but it was still enough to carry through the town and cause a commotion. I covered her mouth quickly trying to get her to quiet down, but that just seemed to make her panic more, and then she started wiggling to try to break my hold. _Maker’s breath, Solas, hurry up and get back here_... _ugh_ , I didn’t even want to imagine what this looked like from an outside perspective.

I groan in frustration as I see she’s going into panic mode again.. _Solas, where the Void are you?_ At least in panic mode, she’s not screaming? I try to get myself to see any bright side I can at this point.

I sit my wet self down onto the wet floor, leaning back against the wet bed, and sit the wet sea-elf on my lap with her back to my chest, and tip her head back on my shoulder and raise her arms up, placing both of her hands behind my neck. Keeping her stretched out and airway clear and taking deep breaths, while pushing on her abdomen, to try to get her into rhythm with my own is about the best I can do for her, until Solas gets back here.

 _“_ Come on girl, you’re doing good, you’re going to be fine, just breathe with me,” I keep urging her and talking quietly hoping it will help, either for her or myself that part remains unclear.

It’s awhile longer before he shows up, but when he finally does, he comes bursting in, looking like he’d been sprinting for awhile to get here, very sweaty and breathing heavily.

He immediately sits down in front of me (and her), asking what happened. He says he had needed some alone time for awhile, get out of Haven for a few to just walk and clear his head, but that he’d starting running back the moment he had picked up on her panic. As soon as I finish relating my part of the story, he nods like he completely understands, and places his fingers on her temples. There’s a soft blue glow coming out of his fingers and going into her. It doesn’t look like any healing spell I’ve ever seen, but it sure feels calming. I hope it isn’t a sleep spell, it would be quite an embarrassing experience to fall asleep in a stranger’s cabin while completely soaked, and another elf asleep on my own lap.

He persists with the blue spell, whatever it is, but it feels like a long time and this is getting really uncomfortable and cold now. Finally, she seems to snap out of whatever trance she’s in and then she’s out of my lap and on his faster than either of us could blink. I’m afraid to move, because me scaring her again now would be **no** good, so I don’t move a muscle. Even though she’s now crying hysterically and hugging him, so it’s getting a little awkward for me. I don’t know how close these two are, but this is obviously a private moment, so I look away as best I can, I finally get to the point I’m rubbing the back of my neck again, stupid habit I can’t seem to break. My wet glove creaks though as I move my hand and I freeze, she peeks over her shoulder then, but has a death grip on Solas. He’s quietly talking to her, in a language I’ve never heard, but it sounds beautiful, almost like it’s a song. She must understand it though, because some of the tension seems to leave her body then, and then she’s talking back to him, but it’s not even in the same language which really confuses me now. She lets out her own long string of noises that sound like a whole different kind of song.

Then she’s completely rounding on me, I flinch back a little, not expecting the sudden closeness. This doesn’t seem to bother her at all though, so there she is almost nose to nose with me again. We stare at each other for a few moments, which her eyes are captivating, they are the deepest sea-green with speckles of purple in them, and once again it’s something I’ve never seen before, that is becoming a common thing though with this little elf. She suddenly tilts her head to the side with ears perked up and curved slightly forward, like a curious mabari pup, and sings another of her little songs punctuated by a little chirp at the end and still staring at me but like she’s expecting something now.

At this, the older elf lets out a snort. “She says she named you well when she called you Gold one, since your eyes are gold like your hair. Then she asked you what is wrong with your ears.”

My brow wrinkles in confusion, “Gold one? I suppose I’ve been called worse things. What’s wrong with my ears? I don’t understand.” I reach up feeling my ears, at least they feel normal to me, other than being cold and wet.

I swear her head is gonna get stuck that way if she tilts it any more. She looks like she’s hanging on my every word, even though she probably has no clue what I’m saying.

“You have to remember, you are the first human she has ever seen, Commander,” he clarifies for me.

It hit me like a ton of bricks at that moment, she’s never seen a human before now. _Well_ , _shit_. _Well_ , _what_ _about_ _the_ _Dwarves_ _and_ _oh Maker, I do **not** want to see her first meeting with a Qunari._

“Oh, right,” I finish lamely.

He starts telling her something again in the singsong.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but is there a chance you’d mind drying me off please? Going out there in wet armor would not be my proudest moment, and especially not in front of the three other women,” I ask as politely as I can before heading to reach for the door.

He nods as he dries me and the cabin with a wave of his hand. This apparently dried off the elf girl too much, because now she’s back in very much normal female body with legs and all, to which she remains clueless, and already has me turning red as beets. I cross to the door to rush outside while asking over my shoulder if it’s alright to pass on word to the other advisors that she’s awake now, and maybe visit in the morning.

“Of course, Commander,” is the last thing I hear as I close the door and let out a huge sigh of relief.


	13. Chapter 13

Cullen

I had told the other advisors the elf-girl, or the newly named Herald, was awake and I’d take them to meet her in the morning. It is difficult to call her that, as I keep repeating it in my head to try getting into the habit. She does not fit the title, or I think it is more that the title does not fit her. I told them she’s very different, so don’t go in with expectations of any sort, because they’d leave disappointed and it might make them overlook things in the meeting of her. I warned them she crosses the line into strange. Cassandra just rolled her eyes at me while making her disgusted noise, Leliana just raised an eyebrow at me like she was daring me to bet her on which of us truly knew a stranger person, and of course Josephine said it’s not nice to call people strange, Commander, it’s not polite or politically correct. Well, consider themselves warned and we headed over to the cabin.

When we got there, I went ahead and knocked, feeling like I was the middleman introducing two foreign dignitaries.  _Isn’t_ _this_ _supposed_ _to_ _be_ _Josephine’s_ _job_?

Immediately after I knocked, I could hear a few of her excited squeaks through the door. I’m not sure why, but it had me smiling to myself. Another moment passed, then I could hear Solas’s voice saying to enter. I opened the door, but the familiar sight had me hanging back. The room once again had a large amount of water levitated near the ceiling, and she was swimming in circles around the room as fast as she could.

Solas must’ve picked up on my hesitation, “Do not worry, Commander. I cast the spell myself this time, so I can assure you, it will not come falling down on you.”

I hesitantly stepped in, even going so far as to duck to put extra space there, until I was seated in one of the chairs, not that that would actually help if it all came splashing down, inside my head I was laughing at myself. As soon as I was fully inside, the Herald, was immediately at my face again, this time hovering above my head at a weird angle, but with a big smile and a singsong, purr, chirp, chirp. I couldn’t help myself from giving a lopsided grin back to her.

“Good morning to you too, Herald.”  _Again trying to force it out there, it simply doesn’t fit._

Solas looked up from his book and over at me surprised, “You could understand her?”

“Oh, not really. Her expression and the noise, it seemed like that fit,” I shrug, not really sure how to explain myself.

She turned to Solas waiting for the translation, once he was done she just looked back to me again, but I swear her smile was so bright it could have lit the room.

The three women were much slower to follow me inside. Josephine was the first, she seemed almost enchanted.

“She’s beautiful,” Josephine sighed out loud.

A few trills and chirps followed. “She echoes your sentiment Lady Ambassador. She finds your skin tone quite exotic and loves the colors you wear to complement it.”

“Ohh, she’s adorable _and_ sweet,” the Ambassador gushed.

Leliana was next, following Josephine inside. She’s not one of many words these days, but she gave a smile and nod. Lastly, Cassandra came in scowling, she may as well have come stomping in, heavy-footed or in a sour mood I’m not sure, but she came over taking up a chair next to mine.

The Herald seemed interested in Cass, although I was unsure why at first. She had a decent singsong going to Solas, he said something back to her before he turned to address us, “I told her this might not be an appropriate thing to ask in such circumstances, but please forgive her curiosity. She asks if Seeker Cassandra is your mate, Commander?”

The two of us looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, before looking away quickly. I could feel my own face heating up and my hand going to rub my neck in embarrassment, and Cassandra’s face had her own shade of red and was looking very flustered. Josephine and Leliana were giggling in the background.

Before I could even get a response out, Cassandra was already vehemently denying it, “No, no, absolutely not!”

“Thank you Cassandra, tell us all how you really feel,” I grumbled.

“Now Cullen, you know I didn’t mean it like that. We are good friends but nothing more, and there is no mating!”

 _I’ve_ _never_ _been_ a _ladies_ ’ _man_ , _but_ _Maker’s_ _breath_ _Cassandra_ , _allow_ _a_ _man_ _some_ _dignity_.

Thankfully, Solas’s voice cut in at this point and was calmly telling the Herald some version of everything that was just said. She seemed like she was getting a confused look on her face though. She swam right above me, looking down at me with something like a pained regret, and let out her little singsong with a trill and a quiet little squeak.

I think I already knew she was apologizing.

“She apologizes for the embarrassment. She thought the Lady Seeker seemed like your type Commander. Since you both have armor she thought it meant similar station or job, and similar mannerisms, and obviously a rapport of sorts,” Solas explains to us.

 _It’s_ _alright_ _little_ _one_ , I think to myself.  _We must seem quite strange to you. It’s going to take some time to get used to._ She seems to almost hear my thoughts or picked up on my mood, because the confusion and regret quickly disappeared from her face.

Josephine cleared her throat then, trying to pull attention back on topic, and asked, “What is her name?”

Solas did his translate thing for her, but this time they went back and forth several times. It sounded like they were repeating the same thing back and forth, but what first sounded like more of her singsong, gradually sounded more and more like our kind of vocal sounds with each repeat. Then he finally turned and said, “Her name is Kaerie. It takes a few tries for her to get the sounds of her native tongue to match up with the elven language. Her body make up is different from our own, since her people live underwater. The sounds they make down in their chest to communicate with each other carries sound better through the water. Similarly, our own method of speaking carries better out of water.”

“Is there anything she can tell us about herself?”

He translates up to her and her face goes into deep thought for a minute, but questions him again while shrugging. “She asks if there’s anything particular you would like to know. She considers herself just an ordinary Sea-elf with nothing really special to identify her, and she does not feel she stands out in any way.”

“Well, she is one-of-a-kind and very special here. We have never met a Sea-elf before, so anything would be new and possibly helpful,” the Ambassador says.

He passes it along to her. She scrunches up her nose so adorably for a moment then begins on her singsong story.

He relates it back as she does, “She says she was the last known Sea-elf to be born after the magic on her world started dying out. The ‘barrier’ on her world is the equivalent of the Veil on ours. She earned her vallaslin at 176, and chose to dedicate herself to Mythal.” He seemed to raise an eyebrow at this. “She recently had her 190th name-day. Her parents were both killed in a large attack on her village about fifty years ago, and she has no other living relatives. She has a couple friends that she will miss, but most of her tribe was much older than herself, so they mostly saw her as a child constantly getting in the way.” All jaws hit the floor at this point... _190?! Maker’s breath, it’s so difficult to judge elven ages correctly! This little elf doesn’t seem like she’s a day over 18, in appearance or attitude._ Solas seemed to secretly smirk at this, with the rest of us in the room being humans, none of us could truly get a grasp on her age or mentality.

“Her tribe has been warring with neighboring tribes for the past several hundred years, so this is the first time in her life she’s experienced a period of non-fighting and she is enjoying the freedom it brings. The surrounding tribes had continued attacking her own tribe, because they accused her own of hoarding the magic of being able to retain their tails, but hers always insisted it was natural and they were not keeping any secrets or magic.” Solas’s brow wrinkled at that point, but he continued. “She is proficient in magic and spear, her magic consisting of the underwater variety, I will be helping her train her magic now above-water, of course. She says she was in the process of learning the light crossbow but since she’s been found here that’s probably not worth continuing.”

I had since looked back up and was watching her again. She looked like she was bored, listing things off about herself in a monotone, sounding and looking like she would rather be doing **anything** but this talking about herself. I understood the feeling perfectly. It was funny, watching her just ticking things off on her fingers while she lazily used her tail to propel herself in slow circles around the room above our heads, even listening to her singsong in her version of a monotonous droning, I was completely fascinated by every aspect of her.

“I could train her on longbow,” Leliana suddenly piped up. “I bet she would be an amazing Bard in the Orlesian court,” she sighed wistfully.

“Are you insane?” I hissed at her, “We need to keep her safe here, not send her off to train in assassination, only to turn around and have her stabbed in the back by a fellow Bard!”

She rolled her eyes at me, “There is more to being a Bard than going around assassinating people, Cullen.”

Josephine cleared her throat, getting us to quiet again. “Alright, so we know a little about her now. Solas, would you have any recommendations on how to proceed? How will we go about travel for her? And perhaps communication?”

Solas’s mouth curved up in one corner, once again enjoying his own private joke before saying, “My apologies, Commander...” then he looked up at the Herald and told her something, to which she nodded and closed her eyes like she was concentrating hard on something. A few long moments of nothing passed, but then I felt something happen to the air around me. Suddenly, she drops down onto the floor in front of all of us, with a loud squeak, landing right in front of my boots, and once again nude.

I shoot a scowl at the older elf, but I can already feel my ears turning red, and he’s just sitting over there chuckling to himself. She seems so completely innocent and oblivious about this every time. She glances over her shoulder at Solas for a moment but turns right back and is looking up at me, from her spot on the floor. A questioning chirp, chirp, cheep is asked, as she cocks her head at me curiously again, but her ears are drooped at slight angles and her toes are wiggling. I can see it almost written on her face. _Is this_ _right? Is this it?_ Josephine was right, this girl truly is the embodiment of adorable.

All the women around me, even Cassandra, started giggling, joining in with the elder mage’s chuckle, accentuating my embarrassment even more. I let out a groan as I rub a hand over my face. I lean across Cassandra and snatch a blanket sitting on the footboard of the bed, quickly shaking it out, and drape it over the little elf’s shoulders, trying to give her some measure of decency.

“Lady Ambassador, perhaps this will solve the travel problem. She will need help learning balance and such after I finish helping her with the basics of walking and casting stances. I believe the Commander would be most qualified to continue her training in the more advanced stances of combat, to get her comfortable using a spear again, or whatever she chooses.”

Again, all the women around me nod vigorously in agreement. I can’t help but feel like I’ve been set up somehow, but I’ve never had a talent for understanding women or their machinations, so whatever it was, it’s lost on me, and that is probably for the best.

*****

 

Kaerie

I was excited the gold one would be coming to visit this morning. I was also curious to see what else he would bring. Hah’ren had thought my water bubble spell had been a clever idea to start testing myself. When he had offered to recast it for me, and in a less fragile state, I was bouncing with excitement and told him I would love it. And love it I did, all the way until the thudding sound on the entrance distracted me. “ _Hah’ren! Hah’ren! They are here! They are here!”_ I chattered excitedly.

” _Yes_ , _da’len_. _They_ _are_ _here_ ,” he repeats calmly, not even looking up from his book. “Enter,” he says louder, so the visitors can hear. I zoom around the room a few more times for good measure, but then gold one comes inside and sits. Hah’ren told me how gold one had actually saved my life by pulling me from the lake that one night. Since then, I’ve liked him much more than our first meeting.

” _Good_ _morning_ , _Mr_. _Gold_ _sir_!” I chirp happily to him. After hah'ren's translation there, I grin more to myself. I’ve always been told I seem to have a gift for knowing and understanding others’ emotions or moods, and I’ve come to pride myself on it over time. It would seem that the gift has only gotten better since my arrival here. It makes communication slightly easier for me, especially when I don’t understand what anyone is saying.

The other ones with him were all females. The last one was well built, although still nowhere near the size of gold one himself. Her bearing, her appearance, her mannerisms, and the way she entered and went straight to sit beside him made me wonder, was this the mate of gold one? She certainly looks worthy of that position. When I saw the response to my question, I knew immediately I had assumed wrong. _Maybe they’re good friends or she’s protective of him for other reasons? Oh well._  I apologized and hope I didn’t cause any lasting awkwardness.

From there it went very uneventful, the dark pretty colorful one wanted to know things about me. I’m just me though, nothing special there, so I rattled off lots of boring information to make her happy.

Then, after lots more talking, hah’ren looked up to me and told me to concentrate on my land form as he had called it. So I did, and _whoops_ , one loud surprised squeak later there I was, _guess_ _I_ _wasn’t_ _expecting_ _to_   _fall_ _right_ _there_. I looked over my shoulder at hah’ren for a moment, but he was laughing at something, so I looked up at gold one. He would know. “ _Did I do it right?”_ I asked him somewhat anxiously. Based off his emotions I did it right, but his face is so red, maybe I did part of it wrong? I really need to figure out that changing forms thing. I needed to remember to ask Hah’ren about it, if that’s all it takes to change, _why_ _are_   _my people still_ _fighting_?


	14. Chapter 14

Cullen

After that initial meeting between all the advisors and the Herald, I found myself trying to avoid the women as much as possible. Although, it’s impossible to get out of the daily meetings in the War Room. They are relentless in their constant teasing. Maker’s breath, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were betting with Varric, trying to see who could make me turn red the most times.

I’m getting sidetracked, _focus_ _on_ _your_ _mission_. I’m on my way to my room to grab a spare shirt for the elf girl, or Kaerie, or the Herald, who has become the catalyst for all the teasing. She remains so clueless about the fact that her changing from water to land form leaves herself nude, regardless of an audience. I’m not sure what to call her now, by her name would make the most sense, but the people of the town have taken to calling her the Herald of Andraste, since the Mark on her hand was what saved us from the Breach. To continue calling her simply by her name would be considered disrespectful by most, since her status has been so greatly elevated.

The other women didn’t seemed bothered by it particularly, and as for Solas, the elder mage seems uninterested in any form of sexuality, I think books turn the elf on more than anything else possibly could. However, I’m an unmarried man and in the prime of my life, and I strive to be a gentleman, so there’s only so many times I can handle seeing a very attractive nude female elf in front of me before the frustration begins. This is the reason for me getting a shirt for her, I know it’s not much, it will be huge on her small form, but at least it will be _something_ until Josephine can work her magic with the seamstress in town to get the girl some clothing.

I’ve gotten the shirt and knocking on the door of the cabin now. I hear one of her distinctive squeaks, and a few footsteps, and Solas pulls the door open. He lets me in, but with a questioning look, “Back so soon, Commander?”

 _Ugh_ , _how_ _do_ _I_ _begin_ _to_ _explain_ _this_ _without_ _sounding_ _so_ _improper_? Rubbing my neck as I try to come up with some words to describe what I want, but nothing is coming to me and already I feel my face cooking again. I hold up the shirt and sigh, hoping he catches my meaning. Luckily, he does immediately but kind of chuckles at me and just shakes his head. “Good luck,” he says, “She can be quite stubborn.” He crosses the room back to his desk, and goes back to reading some book and parchment at his desk.

 _Whatever_ _that’s_ _supposed_ _to_ _mean_ , I shrug to myself, and turn my attention to my intended target. She is back in the wooden tub now, and making little bubbles appear out of the soapy bath water and floating them around the room and kind of humming to herself with a small smile and glazed-over look on her face, like she’s in a completely different place and time.

I don’t want to pull her out of whatever daydream she’s enjoying, so I take a seat in a chair a few feet away from the tub and watch her for a few minutes while I wait. She’s so relaxed and at peace in this moment. I’ve never seen her this quiet or still before, _at least not in the time she’s been awake,_ I correct myself. _I wonder where she is right now. Possibly back home? A time when she was much younger? Perhaps someone sang that song to her as a child._  I find myself snapping out of my own daydream, to see her staring at me now and smiling brighter, like she’s laughing about something. _How long was I sitting here not paying any attention?_ One of the bubbles bops my nose, and I swat it away.

Well, I’m here and paying attention now, so may as well get this over. I open my mouth to speak but then realize I have no clue how to go about this. She won’t understand anything out of my mouth, I scowl as I realize how ill planned this idea was. I shut my mouth again try to think of the best way to go about this, as I do, I hear Solas’s voice trailing over, distractedly telling her something.

I feel her doing her concentration thing again and sigh, as I prepare myself for another unintentional viewing. Another bubble bumps my forehead, swatting that one away as well, I momentarily wonder how many of the things she had made.

After her form shifts, she starts to stand, painfully slow, while keeping a tight hold on the edge of the tub, and gradually steps one foot out of the tub and then the other. When she finally has both feet on the floor, she carefully releases the side of the tub and moves to stand the rest of herself up straight, she wobbles a time or two but manages to keep her balance by adjusting her arms a little. When she’s fully upright, she gets this big grin like she’s so proud of herself for getting there. I didn’t realize how much of a struggle it would be for her. Solas had warned me she would need time to acclimate to this world, that her walking, talking, and even breathing are different than our own. I don’t think I fully realized the true extent of his words until that moment. Another bubble, I barely notice as I brush the thing away. She needs so much more time to adjust than we are able to give her.

I can only pray to the Maker that Solas will do everything in his power to keep her safe, and to a lesser extent, I hope Cassandra will do the same. I’m unsure of her feelings on the girl or situation, since the small embarrassment of the girl, the Herald I correct myself again, had mistaken the two of us as lovers. Although, I highly doubt she’d let something like that effect her actions.

There goes my head again, into its own little world. Yet another bubble hovers right in front of my nose, I swat as this one getting a little irritated. Here she is, standing tall and proud of herself. I had averted my eyes as much as possible, but at the moment it was a bit more difficult. She is a little taller than me while I am sitting here, so her chest is unfortunately, right at my eye level now.

One more bubble, as I swat this one and I finally look around to see how many more of the things there are, I see absolutely none, and she bursts out in giggles now, I finally realize she’s been antagonizing me with the same one this whole time. I try to give a scowl for a moment but fail terribly as I start chuckling too.

Fortunately, she has a lot of hair, so she is partially covered by all the wet hair. Seeking anything else as a distraction, I thrust the shirt in front of me for her to take, and to block the view. She appears puzzled for a moment, but she takes it and holds one corner of it and shakes it slightly and watches as it unfolds. She takes it between both hands now, turning it this way and that, trying to make sense of it. I could almost see in her eyes the moment it made sense and she realized what it was, so many emotions and I wasn’t quite sure what to make of her reaction.

The first was a partial nose scrunch, but only for a moment. Then almost the beginnings of a frown, as she adjusted her hold on it so she was holding it by the shoulders then lowered it a moment to look at me for some reason, then back at the shirt, then back at me once more. Then of all things, she sniffed it, and then she was smelling my neck which had me slightly leaning back from the sudden closeness.  _Maker’s_ _breath_ , _what_ _has_ _gotten_ _into_ _this_ _girl_? Then she smelled the shirt once more, and it’s like she had decided the smells matched or something and she decided it had belonged to me. She pointed to me, then to the shirt, back to me and finally to herself. I think she was trying to confirm with me that I was absolutely positive about giving her a shirt of mine. When I nodded yes to her unspoken question, her whole face lit up. She hugged it to herself and literally bounced several times turning in a full circle, like it was the most exciting thing to ever happen. She held it out again and clearly was trying to figure out how to put it on. I gently adjusted her grip and helped show her the easiest way to pull it on over her head. Once it was on all the way, I saw how badly the plan had backfired... a white shirt already much too large for her and now it was wet, transparent and clinging to her form much more than I liked, which completely defeated the purpose of giving it to her in the first place. I groaned out loud rubbing my face with both hands at that point.

In the background, I could hear laughter in Solas’s voice as he said, “Perhaps, you did not put enough thought into this plan, Commander.”

“Yes, Solas, I can clearly see that,” I grumbled back.

“You had a much easier time than I was expecting. She was very unhappy and quite stubborn when Lady Montilyet had mentioned earlier she would need to start wearing clothes outside. Yet, you were able to walk right in here and she could not get it on fast enough. Fascinating.” He had trailed off a bit near the end like he had started mumbling to himself, but either way, it was a bit interesting.

I shrug to myself and look back at the elf, _Herald_ , who is completely dried now. _These_ _mages_ _are_ _fast_! I didn’t even feel the spell that time, or maybe it was because I was a little distracted. _Oh_ _well_. Thank the Maker she is dry now, so I can look at her without turning beet red. She is still grinning so widely, and spins in place while looking down at herself. _Maybe the shirt being so large and swirling around her knees amuses her? I don’t know and not going to bother figuring that out. I’m accepting and adding it to her list of her quirks, which she seems to have many of.._ She spins one time too many and wobbles halfway through the next spin, so I steady her with a quick hand on her shoulder before she has the chance to tumble to the floor. She looks at me with that big smile and reaches out giving me a big hug around the neck. I wasn’t expecting that reaction, so I give her an awkward couple of pats on her back before she lets go. She turns her head and singsongs something over her shoulder back in Solas’s direction. He replies and they do the back and forth repeat thing a few times, until she turns back around to face me, and slowly but clearly says, “Thonk yuu!”

I’m thrown off slightly by the suddenness and clarity in her voice, I think that’s the first time I’ve heard her speak in Common, but I have enough of a brain to at least return the smile. I feel like my mission was a success and staying any longer would leave me a bumbling oaf, so I give her my goodbyes as I stand up to leave, “Goodbye, little one, err Herald. I will see you later.” _Maker’s breath, get it together Cullen,_ I mentally scold myself. As I’m closing the door of the cabin, I hear her calling out, “Byyyy-Byyyy!” followed by a little more of her singsong talk. I smile to myself as I walk toward the War Room, completely uncaring about the inevitable teasing to come.


	15. Chapter 15

The pretty colorful lady, they call her Ambassador, she is insisting on so many things. She wants me to start wearing cloth, to learn to walk like the humans, to learn to fight and defend myself out of water, to start learning the language of the humans, and something called reading and writing.

 _Why in the world do I need all of that? I may like a few of these human creatures, but I want to go home. Do they not understand that?_  I have no desire to stay here. Even if there’s no way home, I would probably just go live in one of their oceans underwater, I have no need or desire for any of these things. Hah’ren was quick to admonish me in front of her though, and that was embarrassing. I grudgingly agreed to the clothing since it would offend everyone who were to see me without, apparently that had been the problem for gold one I think. The clothing would also keep me warm though, so there was a bright side to it.

The learning to walk made a lot of sense if they were correct about my needing to travel over land so much, so I couldn’t argue much about that either. They don’t understand though, besides Hah’ren, the whole being heavy and keeping myself upright is new and difficult, and how much work that’s going to take.I think my defensive skills are fine the way they are, but apparently that part would involve a lot of time spent with gold one and learning lots of things. That was the motivation to agree to that one, I find myself wanting to spend more time with him, and learning new things is usually fun, even just watching him work might be interesting.

The rest of the things I pretty much ignored. I have no desire to bury my nose in books like Hah’ren. I would not mind learning to read and write Elvhen and maybe how to draw like he does. I don’t care much about the human language, it will happen naturally, I will not force myself to learn it in a hurry just to make the pretty Ambassador happy, I get along well enough in communication on my own.

I have asked Hah’ren several times now, to start teaching me to read and write Elvhen, teach me the magic of their time, their history, stories, anything he’s willing to share. However, every time I ask he gets this proud look like he’s happy I want to learn everything I can about it, but then his expression gets distant and he closes himself off from me again, or sometimes he says, “Now is not the time for that da’len, perhaps another time.”

For cloth, the pretty Ambassador had come to Hah’ren’s cabin with one other lady. She was an elf too, so I was very excited to meet her. She’s the first one like myself I’ve seen so far. When they first entered the cabin, Hah’ren was reading at his desk like always. I was sitting on the side of the bed in my land form, with a blanket over my leg things. And wearing a large over-sized shirt gold one had given to me to use until I was given clothing of my own. It smelled very good, much like himself, so I secretly loved wearing it, although it went down to my knees and constantly fell off my shoulders, but that’s another reason I really liked it, being so large it didn’t restrict my movement at all.

The elf lady was here with a large bag of strange things. Pretty Ambassador had me standing still on a stool, while elf lady took a really long thing like kelp out of her bag, and said it was to measure me.

“ _What is_  mezure, _hah’ren_?”

“ _It means to take note of how short or long something is. In this case, she is measuring each part of your body so they make clothing that will fit you, and it won’t be too small or too large.”_

“ _Oh! I like too large!”_ I said excitedly bouncing up and down on the stool. Then I waved my arms up and down at elf lady trying to show her how long the sleeves went down past my hands and telling her, “ _I like big! I like long! There’s so much free movement! See?!”_ Waving my arms wildly up and down again, as the ends kept doing their exaggerated flapping, I giggled. Elf lady just seemed confused and pretty Ambassador was trying very hard not to laugh about something, but she is very easy for me to read. Hah’ren started talking to them in human, I think he was trying to tell them how much I like the big cloth.

When elf lady was done with measuring me, she and Ambassador took squares and squares and squares, so many squares from inside the bag, and laid them all out on the bed. _This is where all the colors have been hiding! So many of them!_ And some of them had different feelings they showed me, one like scratchy blanket I had at very first, another much softer but just slightly stiff like the gold ones shirt I wear, another that was soft but very shiny like the metals they make their weapons with, another one that felt fuzzy, and many more. It hurt my head trying to realize all the color and feeling combinations they could make, it seemed almost too much.

They kept saying dress, I do not know this word, so I had asked hah’ren to explain, but he was having a difficult time trying to tell me things while seeming to argue with the women. I couldn’t begin to understand what any of the fuss was about because I knew none of the words even when he translated them into Elvhen for me. The two women took up all the squares back into the bag, then handed me one small stack of things. I just stood there holding it out in front of me, but pretty Ambassador pointed to the stack and then very clearly at me while smiling. She wanted me to put these on now? Alright I shrugged, placed the stack on the bed beside me and took off the gold one’s shirt, leaving it there for later. The shirt in this stack I could figure out since I had practice at that, and something else bigger and heavier over the shirt, alright got that no problem. The rest I did not know so I handed them back to pretty Ambassador but she shook her head no, she did take them but put them back on the bed, she motioned me to sit. Which I did happily, I was tired, and this stuff was getting heavy, she pulled a small thing off the rest of the pile and took one of my leg things and started to put a covering on it, but I started laughing and wiggling too much, so elf lady had to help hold me still. Then they had to fight with me to do the same to the other one. Then they grabbed something else off the pile, I braced myself for more squirming and giggles but luckily that didn’t happen this time, they pulled one leg into each half of this thing then having me stand and looking awkwardly away while saying something to each other. And pulled the things up over my hips and then tied them in the front of my waist. Now having me sit back down again, she took one of the larger black things that was left and pulled it onto my foot on top of the cover already there. Then on came the other one.

I whined at hah’ren, “ _I can’t move with these on. How am I supposed to learn to walk in these?” Ugh,_ I pushed myself up to my feet and tried taking a few steps. It was very difficult... _Why must I walk with these? This is unfair!_ I’m making very loud noise each time the bottom side of my leg thing comes down and touches the floor.  _Now I understand why the Seeker-who-isn’t-gold-ones-mate is so grumpy every time I see her! Anyone who has to use these stupid things has a right to be angry all of the time!_

I’m scowling down at where my leg things are touching the floor, like they’re the evilest of evils. Elf lady and pretty Ambassador seem like they are satisfied with themselves for now though. They say something, hah’ren says something, then they smile at me as they close the door behind themselves. Hah’ren goes back to his book saying, “ _Go, walk around town da’len. When you feel calmed, you are more than welcome to return.”_

 _Well_ , _fine_ _then_! I go outside the cabin, not so gently closing the door behind me before clomping my way down the stairs and heading toward the gate. I make it to around the merchants area before I finally snap. _These_ _stupid_ _things_ _have_ _to_ _go_! I rip one of them off, standing up straight for just a moment, I take the evil black thing in my hand hefting it over my head for a moment, then swing my arm around and throw the creator’s cursed thing as hard and far as I can. I smile to myself feeling just slightly better, and have bent over to take the other one off, when suddenly I hear a deep voice howl in pain.. _ohh_ _no_! I finish yanking off the other one then I bolt in the direction I heard the noise. At the main gate, standing guard there’s a large man, brown hair, marks on his face like vallaslin, but these are a little different. He’s holding the offending object in one hand while rubbing the top of his head with the other. _Oh creators, I hope he’s not too angry._ I gradually make my way up to him. Once he sees me standing there holding the other thing, he bursts out in laughter. This gave me the courage to cross the last bit of distance to him and I give him the most apologetic smile I can muster, while trying not to laugh with him.

“ _I am so sorry sir! These were hurting and they **had** to go.”_  I try to look up at him as I apologize, but I’m also embarrassed for hitting him like that. I was apparently talking down to my feet now though, because he gently put a finger under my chin and pulled my head up, and he still had a huge smile on his face, while he said something in his tongue. He held out the thing to me and I couldn’t help wrinkling my nose at the prospect of putting them on again. I took it from his hand, then carefully this time threw them off to the side where no other potential victims were standing. He laughed again, but I think he got the hint of how much I hated them.

He pointed to himself and said, “Rylen” and then pointed to me with a slight question in his look. _Oh! He wants to be friends! Yay, I love making new friends!.._ I try to repeat his name, which has him laughing again. “Roylen?” Finally, he nods in acceptance of my awful pronunciation and points to himself again, “Roylen” he said in the same way I did making me giggle and then pointed to me again. “Kaerie!” I chirp to him happily, he looks puzzled for a moment before I realize, I needed to say the Elvhen version to him or he’ll never get it. I say it once more, slowly and clearly this time in Elvhen, just like hah’ren had me practice, “ _Kay_ _ree_.” I smile proudly at myself for how well I said it that time. He smiles now too. Pointing at me he repeats “Kay ree,” just like I said it, slow and clear, pointing to himself again, “Roylen” then back at me saying, “Kaerie” again. I nod rapidly, very happy and proud of having made my first friend.

After the names were settled, I gathered some of my aura for a spell and reach up towards his face, not touching just yet, but hoping he’ll trust me enough to let me do this. He does, although curiosity is written all over him, but he lowers his head to my reaching fingers and lets me pull him down to my height, even standing as tall as I can and him bent over it’s a bit of a stretch, but I manage to press my lips to his forehead and release the wave of healing energy I had gathered, and pass it into him. I release his face and he stands back up, it takes a moment, but then he rubs his head and realizes the pain is all gone and the biggest smile yet comes over his face.

I smile back, but I’m starting to get hungry and a bit cold, and tired from all the standing. I point to myself and then back towards the cabin, trying to tell him I needed to go for now. He nods understandingly and gives me a smile and shakes his hand at me and says something again in his language. “Byyy-Byyy Roylen!” I say to him as I take off heading back to hah’ren’s cabin for the evening, this feels like the most eventful day I’ve had so far, and I’m exhausted.

*****

 

Solas

The da’len has turned out to be quite a handful, although not through any fault of her own. I never had a child of my own, so currently I am absorbing as much information from this experience as possible. Taking care of another being is new for me, although I am quickly learning of the many intricacies involved. She has not been one to test limits and boundaries, so for that I am grateful she is obedient. She has many questions, about anything and everything in the world. Always wanting to know how things work, why things are the way they are and so much more. I want her to learn and encourage that trait, so I force myself to have patience when her questions become endless. The most trouble we have had is trying to acclimate her to living on land, and it has been a struggle at some points. This is no fault of her own though, and this was something that needed to occur, and there is only so much that can be done to hasten the process. The humans are insufferable at times with their impatience and inconsideration of her situation.

When I first saw her in the cell and marked with my magic, I knew I needed her alive, at the very least, to achieve my goals with the magister and retrieving my orb. After the attempt of closing the Breach and her brush with death that immediately followed, I realized I **wanted** her to live. I had not realized how badly I missed having or needed to have a companion closer to my own origins, all the others walking this world are mere shadows in comparison. Which is slightly ironic, because every time she asks anything related to the ancient Elvhen or Arlathan, I find myself backed into a corner of my own making and never give her the answers she seeks. However, I have been speaking Elvhen with her at all times, and her vocal sounds have improved much since she first awoke.

She has met with the advisors, which went well enough in itself. The Commander she has won over with no effort at all. They seem quite interested in each other, and I am unsure how I feel about this. Friends are good, she will need those to get through the trials ahead, but more than that could become a distraction or complication that we can ill afford.

Which leads me back to my own relation with her. She immediately saw me as her elder, her teacher of a sort. I had permitted myself to assume that role, but now I find myself questioning the decision. Have I allowed that connection to become too informal? Am I starting to see her as an adopted child of my own or a student I am fond of? The bond has complicated matters, even though it was necessary to keep her alive, and I do not regret that choice. Perhaps it would be best to allow things to proceed on their natural course for now.

The Ambassador Montilyet seems quite taken with the da’len as well. I am unsure of how that occurred, and so swiftly, but it is another card in her favor. I feel the Ambassador’s expectations of the little one are a bit extreme considering the delicacy of her circumstances, although I know she will work hard to please Lady Montilyet, to an extent. There is a limit to which even my influence will not be able to push past her stubbornness, if her mind is set on something.

The Nightingale is difficult for anyone to read, including myself. Normally, the spymaster would have questionable persons tortured or executed without hesitation if she were unaware of their origin or intentions. Nothing has occurred to make me believe she has a soft spot for the da’len, but the Nightingale’s offer to train her on the bow was a pleasant surprise. An offer I will make sure she follows up on. Anything she can learn right now to aid in the defense of her own person will be helpful.

The final advisor, the Seeker Cassandra, I have not gotten anything good or ill from her. There was the one embarrassment of the da’len asking if the Seeker was the Commander’s mate, but there has been not a word from her since. She will be joining us when we leave for the Hinterlands soon, so perhaps she will show more of an opinion once we are no longer surrounded by the safety of Haven’s walls.

 

The Lady Montilyet came by the cabin with an elven lady servant. Da’len is in desperate need of clothing. As fond as she is of the Commander’s shirt, the rest of Haven would be horrified at the sight of their blessed Herald prancing around the town in his ridiculously large shirt that is almost see-through and falling off her shoulders. So here are the women fussing over her, and this and that, while I throw in the occasional comment, but for the most part reading my book and ignoring them. At one point I had to explain the reason for the measurements, what they were and why they needed them. She had been diligent in her efforts to stand still as long as she had, and I knew it had to be wearing on her, but she had also been unusually quiet through most of the ordeal. Which in itself was uncharacteristic of her. After my explanation of the measurements, she had suddenly burst out with her comment of loving the larger-sized clothing and the flapping of the sleeves had exaggerated her chirping quite perfectly. I had lost my composure at that moment, I covered my mouth as quickly as I could but I couldn’t help the snort of laughter that had escaped me, thankfully unnoticed by all three women.

Certain I possessed a straight face again, I had turned back to the women to try explaining what the da’len was saying or what I thought she wanted. Then the dress query came up and while I tried explaining what that was to her, in more words she was unable to grasp, I had to cut in on the other two women’s scheming. I told them some dresses would be fine, those would be easiest for her to move in while she’s still new to walking and learning her casting stances. They had taken that and run with it and were quickly getting overboard. I firmly had to remind them she would be spending much time traveling on horseback, camping outdoors, fighting and casting. She needed to be able to move, not be weighed down in unnecessary ruffles or baubles and such. I got the distinct feeling I was being ignored at that point, but I persisted as well as I could. I knew the little one would be miserable if they brought back all fancy stuff that weighed her down, she needed to be able to move, she needed her freedom. Perhaps a visit to the Commander or Seeker would ensure Lady Montilyet does not get too carried away. She is still young in Elvhen terms, and nineteen if equated to a human of the same age. Physically, she is mostly done growing, although there is still a chance she could possibly have one more growth spurt within the next few years, but she would definitely be done by the time she hits two hundred years of age.

Mentally, it is much more difficult to judge her age, by what she’s told me and dreamed thus far, she has been surrounded by fighting her entire life. She has never known peace. Although all around her, everyone is preparing for war right now. It is almost as if she is focused on living her childhood now, since she was forced into adulthood, she skipped that entire phase of her life. As trained and competent as she may be in a fight, I highly doubt she has ever experienced real fighting face to face. Being the last born sea-elf, she would have been priceless and protected at all costs by her own tribe. The other members in the tribe always looking down on her and never letting her do anything from her perspective, in actuality may have been them trying to protect her in their own way. The way they went about it was obviously lacking, since it left her feeling abandoned and useless.

She is young mentally, being forced to grow up much sooner than she should have. I believe she has a good sense of right and wrong, but I think she has seen enough in her short life to know it comes in many shades of grey as well. She is an adult, but with the naivety, sense of wonder, and zest for life that only a child can truly grasp and possibly rouse in others around her. She may be exactly what _I_ need. She may be exactly what this _world_ needs.

 


End file.
